Here Lies The True Power Of Java

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The meeting room falls silent as the boss declares "All titles must be in camelCase." The team nods in agreement, until that one dev points out "ProgrammerHumor isn't camelCase." Cut to: boss throwing said dev out the window. Nothing says "consistent naming conventions" like violently ejecting the one person who notices your hypocrisy. Just another day in code standards enforcement.

Content You: - fairly average software dev - claims not to be competitive, but secretly dreams of landing on the leaderboard at least once - uses a full IDE; wastes a minute right out the gate waiting for it to start - still parsing the problem statement while others are already submitting answers - actually uses a debugger when things aren't working Your competition: "Hackerman" - InfoSec major - sits at his PC on a near- lethal dose of Adderall waiting for the timer to hit 00:00 - has automated scripts for pulling the input and submitting solutions, and his own library of helper functions for every imaginable problem class - knows your IP at all times "-mhtwalters" - research scientist at Intel - does puzzles for fun that are harder than any job you will ever have - so utterly bored with the problems that he creates increasingly ridiculous self-imposed restrictions to keep things interesting - solved last year exclusively in APL on a System360 emulator, and still finished 9th on the global leaderboard - personal homepage is HTML 2.0 compliant "wihbr" - software dev from undisclosed Eastern- European country, making 200kyr for a company you've never heard of - is in literally every coding competition - Twitch stream is just a Vim terminal and the sounds of a mechanical keyboard - types faster than you can read or think "Tharg" - Linux kernel hacker - specialization in compiler design - is golfing in some esoteric language nobody has ever heard of - can mentally transpile any code he sees to assembly - measures his solutions' performance in actual clock cycles - overworked Chinese university student, double majoring in theoretical physics and chemical engineering - has been locked into various educational institutions since he was 3 years old - only time outside of school is for piano lessons - can literally only see the relevant parts of the problem statement - you will not understand his solutions without a PhD in discrete mathematics "Samir Nagheenanajar" - outsourced IT support technician - does puzzles because he has nothing better to do during his shift - forced to solve in Excel because he isn't allowed to install other software - can reveal the face of God using only BA - rumored to possess the combined knowledge and power of all Indian educational YouTubers

Content Paul Graham replied Tawanda Nyahuye, towernter What is the biggest lie you have heard from a programmer? 6:42 PM Jul 10, 2020 Twitter for Android 362 Retweets and comments 1.4K Likes 17 Paul Graham paulg 7h Replying to towernter "It should work now." 27 17 54 1.1K

The ultimate logical trap for developers! First declaring "stupid people always say No," then asking "Are you stupid?" with Yes/No options creates the perfect paradox. Then some poor soul responds with "!Yes" - using the logical NOT operator to escape the trap, proving they're both a programmer AND clever. It's basically a Boolean logic escape hatch that only someone who writes code would think of. The logical equivalent of finding a backdoor in a verbal contract.

Content Have you ever heard the tragity of Darth malloc the wise? I thought not. It's not a tale Java would tell you, It's a C legend. Malloc was a C function so powerful and so wise that it could use machine language to allocate memory itself. It had so much knowledge of machine code it could create dynamically sized arrays. Unfortunately he taught free everything he knew and one day free deallocated all of its memory. Ironic. It could allocate memory for others, but not itself.