The Great GPU Delusion

You know that senior dev who told you to read the documentation before running that script in production? Yeah, same energy here. Someone ignored a very clear PSA about not washing mouse pads, and now they're dealing with a washing machine full of disintegrated foam and rubber bits like it's a failed deployment that took down the entire infrastructure. The beautiful part is the confidence with which they probably threw it in there thinking "how bad could it be?" Spoiler: it's always worse than you think. This is what happens when you skip the README and go straight to execution. The mousepad didn't just fail gracefully—it catastrophically exploded into a thousand tiny pieces, much like your codebase when you skip unit tests. Pro tip: warnings exist for a reason. Whether it's "don't wash this" or "don't use eval()" or "don't push directly to main"—just don't.

The eternal battle between developers and printers continues! This poor dev thought mentioning his profession would somehow help with his printer problems, but instead triggered a PTSD episode in his therapist. Ten years of coding experience and I still whisper sweet nothings to my printer before every job. "Please work, I'll update your drivers, I promise." Printers are the final boss that no amount of Stack Overflow can help you defeat.

You know that special kind of pain when your uncle starts explaining how "the WiFi is slow because too many megabytes are clogged in the router" or your manager confidently declares that "we just need to download more RAM"? That's the face right there. It's the internal screaming of every developer who has to sit through explanations about how "the cloud is just a big computer in the sky" or "HTML is a programming language, right?" The best part is you can't even correct them without sounding condescending, so you just sit there, nodding politely while your soul slowly exits your body. Every fiber of your being wants to interrupt with "Actually, that's not how TCP/IP works," but you know it'll lead to a 45-minute conversation where you'll somehow end up fixing their printer. Bonus points if they follow up with "You work with computers, right? Can you fix my iPhone?"

OH MY GOD, SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! This poor CPU is literally running at the temperature of a THOUSAND SUNS! 🔥 15,404,226,624,618,496°C?! That's not a computer anymore, honey, that's a portal to the underworld! The laws of physics have left the chat, the universe is melting, and yet Windows is just casually displaying it like "yeah, this is fine." Meanwhile, your motherboard has probably transcended into another dimension where silicon exists as plasma. But sure, go ahead and download Ryzen Master while your computer is LITERALLY HOTTER THAN THE BIG BANG! 💅

The AUDACITY of this tweet! 💀 Every developer who's ever had to connect to a printer knows the UNSPEAKABLE HORROR of that experience. The paper jams! The cryptic error codes! The way it smugly says "Ready to print" and then REFUSES to acknowledge your existence! Printers are the supervillains of technology - working perfectly during setup and then choosing CHAOS the moment you have a deadline. If I had a dollar for every time a printer made me contemplate a career change, I'd have enough money to buy a printer company just to SHUT IT DOWN.

OMG the AUDACITY of game engines charging $99.99 for the privilege of turning your character into a mechanical octopus, only to have it run at a PATHETIC 24 FPS! 😱 The journey from "look at my cool tentacle arms" to "WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE AND LAGGING" is the quintessential game dev experience. First they seduce you with those shiny Unreal powers, then BAM! Your graphics card is screaming for mercy while frantically suggesting driver updates like that's going to save your dumpster fire of a project. The modern gaming equivalent of "it worked on my machine" - except your machine is now melting through your desk. Truly the circle of game dev life!