The Great GPU Number Bamboozle

Going to prison in 2009: GTX 480 was cutting edge. Coming back in 2023: "DLSS? Ray tracing? 40-series? Is this even the same planet?" The hardware acceleration gap hits harder than prison food. At least in jail you expect to get stabbed - graphics card prices these days are the real crime.

The sacred resurrection of ancient tech! Floppy disks—those square relics that Gen Z thinks are just 3D-printed save icons—sacrificed themselves to digital obsolescence only to be immortalized as the universal "save" symbol. Their physical form perished so their spiritual legacy could live on in every toolbar across the digital universe. Next time you click that little square icon, pour one out for the 1.44MB martyr that died for your sins of not backing up your work.

Finally collected all the Infinity Stones of IT support. With these power buttons in my possession, I can now solve 90% of all tech problems by simply telling people to "turn it off and on again" while feeling smugly superior. The other 10% require the legendary artifact known as "actually reading the error message."

GASP! You forgot to remove the plastic film from your CPU cooler?! Honey, that's like trying to cool down a raging inferno with a plastic bag! Your poor processor has been SCREAMING in thermal throttled agony while you've been blissfully thinking "wow, such efficient cooling!" It's the hardware equivalent of wearing a winter coat to the beach and wondering why you're not getting a tan. That thin plastic film is the difference between your CPU living its best life and contemplating silicon retirement. Next time, peel before you seal, darling!

The high-refresh-rate rabbit hole claims another victim. Once you've experienced the buttery smoothness of 144 FPS gaming, your standards get completely warped. Suddenly 60 FPS—which used to be the gold standard we all dreamed about—feels like watching a PowerPoint presentation. Your GPU is crying, your electricity bill is skyrocketing, but you refuse to compromise because "I just don't think at this age I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life." The gaming equivalent of refusing to drink anything but top-shelf liquor after that one time you splurged.

NVIDIA CEO: "Just use AI to double your VRAM!" My wallet: *screams in financial agony* 💸 The AUDACITY of suggesting we just casually drop $3000 on a graphics card! What's next? Selling a kidney to run Stable Diffusion? The absolute DELUSION that we're all swimming in money pools like tech billionaires! Meanwhile I'm over here calculating if I can afford both electricity AND ramen this month. The GPU market isn't just a clown show anymore—it's the entire circus, complete with overpriced admission tickets! 🎪