POV: You're A PC Gamer In November 2025

First we had "Jesus has risen" for Easter. Now we have "Jesus has RYZEN" because apparently the son of God upgraded to AMD processors. The divine computing power to run the universe's simulation requires nothing less than a high-end CPU. Bet heaven's render farm makes your gaming rig look like a pocket calculator. And you thought your server resurrection after a crash was impressive.

The duality of PC boot times. Modern gaming rigs with their fancy RGB lighting and liquid cooling? Boot in 3 seconds and get screamed at for being slow. Meanwhile, that beige box from 2003 gets a respectful nod when it manages to wheeze its way to the desktop in 10 minutes. It's like praising your grandpa for climbing stairs while expecting Olympic performance from a teenager. The ancient hardware gets a handicap while the expensive hardware gets impossible standards. Justice for gaming PCs.

Oh, the corporate laptop as a job security oracle! 🔮 Dell = 3 strikes policy. Classic corporate America with its rigid HR policies. "Did you try rebooting your career?" MacBook = startup life in a nutshell. Your job security is directly proportional to the VC's bank account. Hope those ping pong tables were worth it! Lenovo ThinkPad = government job stability. The laptop that survives nuclear blasts and the employee who survives every round of layoffs. Both equally indestructible. And if HP had made the list? Probably "Your printer will jam before your career does."

You hit restart by mistake and your heart stops for a second... then you remember you've got an SSD. That brief moment of panic followed by the realization that your computer will be back up before you can even finish your sigh. Remember when rebooting meant you had time to make coffee, file taxes, and contemplate your career choices? SSD boot times are so fast now that your dramatic "OH NO!" moment barely has time to exist before you're staring at your desktop again. The only thing that takes forever these days is that one coworker who still blames "computer problems" for being late to meetings.

The AUDACITY of laptop manufacturers! First they MURDERED our precious PS/2 ports, then VGA got BRUTALLY slaughtered, HDMI is bleeding out, and USB-A is literally being STABBED TO DEATH as we speak! And for what?! So the Grim Reaper of connectivity can knock on the 3.5mm jack's door next?! THE HORROR! 💀 Meanwhile, we're all frantically buying dongles like apocalypse survivors hoarding canned beans. "But it's 0.02mm thinner!" they say, as if that justifies this PORT GENOCIDE. I'm typing this from a laptop that's basically just a screen with attitude and NOTHING ELSE!

That moment when your non-tech friend sees a 24-pin ATX power connector on the wall and thinks it's where you plug in your graphics card. Sure buddy, just jam your RTX 4090 right into that Bose speaker outlet—I'm sure your electric bill will only triple instead of burning down the entire neighborhood. Next they'll be asking if the ethernet port is for charging their iPhone.