Guilty As Charged

Finally, a mouse that won't overheat during those 8-hour debugging sessions! Noctua, the company famous for making PC cooling fans that look like they belong in a 1970s kitchen, has created the ultimate developer peripheral—a mouse with its own cooling system. Because nothing says "I'm serious about my code" like a peripheral that has more ventilation than my apartment. Next up: a water-cooled keyboard for when you're typing too furiously during code reviews.

When someone asks my age, I don't give them a number—I just show them PS/2 ports. If they recognize these ancient keyboard and mouse connectors without Googling, we're from the same tech paleolithic era. These circular relics with their color-coded pins were the USB of the '90s, except they required perfect alignment and a small prayer to connect properly. Nothing says "I witnessed the dial-up apocalypse" quite like remembering to check which color goes where. Kids these days with their USB-C will never know the satisfaction of that perfect *click* when you finally got it right after three attempts.

That CPU temperature reading of 60102451134464.0°C suggests your computer has achieved nuclear fusion. Congratulations on creating a small sun inside your PC case. The good news is your utilization is only at 10% - imagine the temperature when you try to open Chrome. Probably just a minor overflow error, but I'd still recommend keeping a fire extinguisher nearby... and possibly notifying CERN.

Someone scrawled "HAIL SATA" on industrial equipment, and it's clearly a typo from a hardware cultist trying to worship SATA (Serial Advanced Technology Attachment) instead of Satan. This is what happens when you let data transfer protocol enthusiasts near chalk. Somewhere, a database admin is making sacrificial offerings of old IDE cables to the SATA gods for faster read/write speeds.

You spend years being the designated "tech person" in your friend group, fielding questions about why their printer won't work and explaining that no, you can't hack their ex's Instagram. Radio silence for months. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, they emerge from the shadows with actual tech curiosity! Your heart swells with pride. Maybe they want to learn programming? Build a website? Understand how databases work? Nope. Gaming PC. Because of course they do. The one thing that has absolutely nothing to do with your software engineering expertise but somehow you're still expected to know the difference between a 4070 Ti and a 4080 Super. Welcome to being the "computer friend" – where your CS degree qualifies you to be an unpaid hardware consultant apparently. At least it's not another "can you fix my phone" request, right? Right?

When your gaming laptop hits 9000°C but you're determined to finish that race without thermal throttling. Engineers at Dell never anticipated this level of problem-solving brilliance. Who needs fancy liquid cooling when you can balance your laptop on an industrial fan that probably uses more electricity than your entire neighborhood? Nothing says "I understand computer hardware" like positioning your device directly above what is essentially a tiny helicopter. The irony of running Need for Speed while ensuring your laptop doesn't actually burst into flames is just *chef's kiss*.