Hoping To Get My PR Merged Tonight

The education system: "Plagiarism is unacceptable!" Programmers in the wild: "I stole your code." "It's not my code." Welcome to the real world, where Stack Overflow is our collective homework and GitHub is just a sophisticated copying machine with version control. The entire programming industry runs on the ancient art of Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, followed by just enough modifications to avoid triggering the cosmic plagiarism detector. We don't steal code—we "implement existing solutions with attribution via forgotten browser history."

The ultimate power trip isn't becoming CEO—it's being the sole developer on your own repository. Nothing quite matches the thrill of creating a pull request, switching accounts, and giving yourself a glowing review before smashing that merge button. "Excellent code, me. Very clean implementation." Who needs code reviews when you can have a meaningful conversation with yourself? It's basically the software development equivalent of giving yourself a medal... while nobody's watching.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute HORROR of what this junior dev just confessed! 😱 Changing your Git config to impersonate your senior devs and then pushing a bug to production?! That's not just coding crime—that's a full-blown IDENTITY THEFT CATASTROPHE! This poor soul thought they were just being clever, but they've basically committed the developer equivalent of framing someone for MURDER. The senior dev's face says it all—pure existential panic because guess who's getting blamed when everything crashes and burns? NOT THE INNOCENT-LOOKING CULPRIT! This is why we can't have nice things in software development. Trust? DESTROYED. Career? POSSIBLY OVER. Code review processes? CLEARLY NONEXISTENT!

The eternal struggle between the barbarians who use git push like cavemen and the enlightened souls who've ascended to git config --global alias.puhs push because typing is hard and typos are inevitable. Let's be honest, we've all fat-fingered commands at 2AM and wondered why our code isn't in production. The real 10x developers aren't the ones who never make mistakes—they're the ones who automate their mistakes away. Work smarter, not harder!

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these job listings! 💀 Recruiters out here casually asking for someone who can juggle 17 different technologies spanning three programming languages, two frontend frameworks, three databases, four AWS services, Linux admin skills, testing methodologies, containerization, AND orchestration... all while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: barely above minimum wage). Honey, they're not looking for a "Full Stack Developer" - they're looking for an ENTIRE COMPANY crammed into one exhausted human body! What's next? "Must also make coffee, unclog toilets, and occasionally perform heart surgery"?!

Treating yourself like a software project is peak developer energy. While everyone else is promising to hit the gym, this guy's posting a changelog for himself like he just pushed to production. The real joke is thinking any of those bugs will actually get fixed before next December's emergency hotfix. At least he didn't label it "various performance improvements" which we all know means "I broke something but can't figure out what."