The Indie Game Developer's Fantasy

Someone decided to build a computer inside Scrap Mechanic and now they're watching their creation compile something for what appears to be geological timescales. The stats are beautiful: 8 hours in, 5 seconds of progress per second (which is... just time passing normally, congrats), and enough memory allocations to make your RAM weep. Building a computer in a game engine is the digital equivalent of using a spoon to dig a tunnel. Sure, it's technically possible, and yes, it proves you understand computer architecture, but nobody's going to ask you why because they already know: because you could. The real question isn't whether it'll finish—it's whether the heat death of the universe will happen first. My money's on the universe.

Someone built a game launcher that's so aggressively minimal it literally does nothing—and they're flexing about it being better than Epic Games Launcher. Zero games in the library, nonexistent store, no login, no downloads, no friends. The only feature that works is bragging about a 12.8ms restore time and 34ms startup. The savage honesty is chef's kiss: "Launch a game" button proudly announces "No game to launch." Cart shows "0 (cannot add)." It's basically a middle finger to bloated game launchers wrapped in a purple UI. When your app's main selling point is that it starts fast because it has zero functionality, you've either created the world's best satire or accidentally described every MVP I've ever shipped. Fun fact: Epic Games Launcher is infamous for being resource-heavy and slow, which makes this parody extra spicy. Sometimes the best code is no code at all.

So Moore's Law says computing power doubles every couple years, right? Cool. Storage gets cheaper, SSDs get bigger, everything's peachy. But somehow game developers looked at that exponential growth and said "challenge accepted." Your PC gets more powerful. Games get bigger. Your storage cries in the corner. It's like watching two exponential curves race each other, except one is your poor 1TB SSD watching Call of Duty demand 250GB for the third update this month. The real kicker? PC power is barely staying ahead. That gap between the blue and red lines? That's the only reason you can still install more than two AAA games at once. Give it another year and we'll be back to the floppy disk era, except instead of "Please insert disk 2 of 4" it'll be "Please delete 3 games to install this 400GB texture pack you'll never notice." Moore's Law 2 isn't a law of physics—it's a law of spite.

Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of Americans flaunting their Micro Center privileges! 😤 European developers and gamers are over here SUFFERING in a tech desert while Americans casually stroll into Micro Center for 80% OFF GAMING PCs?! The sheer INJUSTICE! Europeans are giving that death stare that says "I had to pay TRIPLE for my RTX card and wait 6 months for shipping." It's like watching someone eat a gourmet meal while you're forced to code on a potato. European devs are literally DYING of tech envy right now. The transatlantic hardware inequality is TOO MUCH TO BEAR! 💔

Domino's just announced they're following the gaming industry's lead and going digital-only. Starting April 2027, they'll stop making physical pizzas and instead let you download "pizza codes" to enjoy virtually using the power of imagination. Finally, zero-calorie pizza that's also gluten-free, dairy-free, and exists-free! This parody perfectly roasts the gaming industry's obsession with digital-only releases. Remember when you could actually own a game on a disc? Now everything's a download code in a box, or worse, a subscription you rent forever. The joke hits harder because it's applying the same absurd logic to something physical that you actually need to consume. You can't exactly run pizza.exe and expect to feel full. The "power of imagination" line is chef's kiss satire. It's like when game publishers tell you that always-online DRM and digital-only releases are "for your convenience" while they're really just maximizing profit margins and eliminating the used game market. At least with digital pizza, there's no day-one patch required and your hunger won't take up 150GB of storage.

NVIDIA's stock literally demonstrating what DLSS does to your frame rate. Stock plummeting? Just enable AI upscaling and boom—instant moon mission. The timing is *chef's kiss* perfect: stock crashes hard, someone at NVIDIA flips the DLSS switch, and suddenly shareholders are experiencing buttery smooth gains at 4K resolution. Fun fact: DLSS (Deep Learning Super Sampling) uses AI to render games at lower resolution then upscale them, boosting performance. Apparently it also works on stock charts. Jensen probably tweeted "RTX ON" and the market just believed him.