Keep It Simple Stupid

That face when someone suggests replacing Git with Excel. The silent scream of a thousand merge conflicts yet to come. Next they'll propose using PowerPoint for CI/CD pipelines because "it has nice transitions." Some people just want to watch the world burn—one corrupted spreadsheet at a time.

The evolution of developer excuses is truly magnificent. We went from "it works on my machine" (the universal get-out-of-jail-free card) to "it works on my container!" - which is basically the same excuse wearing a fancy DevOps hat. Notice how the developer on the right is smiling while delivering the exact same non-solution. That's the true innovation of DevOps - not solving problems, just feeling better about them while using trendier terminology. Congratulations, we've containerized our excuses. Ship it!

Oh look, it's Sun Tzu's lesser-known chapter on software development! Nothing says "I'm a 10x developer" quite like attributing your laziness to ancient Chinese military strategy. This is the battle cry of every developer who's about to unleash pure chaos into production. "Focus on building, not on tests and docs" is just fancy talk for "I'll let future me (or some poor soul who inherits my code) deal with this dumpster fire." The irony of using a military strategist who meticulously planned everything to justify skipping documentation is just *chef's kiss*. Next up: "The database will figure itself out" - Albert Einstein, probably.

Nothing says "I trust my code" like pushing straight to production at 4:16 AM. Why waste time with QA when your paying customers can find bugs for free? It's the ultimate efficiency hack—your users are basically unpaid interns with admin privileges. The best part? When everything inevitably crashes, you can just blame it on "unexpected user behavior" while frantically rolling back commits at 4:17 AM. Who needs sleep when you can have the adrenaline rush of watching your Slack notifications explode?

HONEY, GRAB THE CHECKBOOK! This absolute MONSTER of a legacy code generator is being sold to us by a man in a suit! *dramatically faints* The car salesman is literally SLAPPING THE ROOF and promising us 50+ lines of legacy code PER SECOND! Do you know what that means?! That's approximately 4.3 MILLION lines of technical debt PER DAY! The maintenance nightmare of my DREAMS! 💸💸💸 And look at those logos - it's a blockchain-ethereum-something developer tool that will absolutely ruin our codebase faster than you can say "we should refactor this someday." SOLD!

The infinite loop of despair that is modern tech support. First, you find a problem with a service. Then, like a responsible citizen of the digital realm, you attempt to report it. But wait! The universe has a cruel sense of humor—the very form you need to submit to report the bug... has a bug itself. So you're stuck in this beautiful recursive nightmare where you can't report the bug because of another bug that you can't report because of the bug you were trying to report in the first place. It's like needing scissors to open a package of scissors. Whoever designed this system probably also enjoys watching people try to exit vim for the first time.