I Simply Wanted To Write Some Code...

The eternal tech industry ouroboros, perfectly captured. Hard times breed manufacturing folks who boost GDP, which spawns SaaS bros with subscription models for everything including your toaster, which inevitably tanks the economy again. Just the universe's way of telling us we'll eventually pay $14.99/month to use our own refrigerators. The circle of software life.

That traffic light is hanging by a thread but still dutifully showing red! Just like that legacy codebase held together with duct tape, regex hacks, and prayers. Sure, it violates every principle in the Clean Code handbook, but hey—the end users don't know and don't care. They just see a working product while you're sweating bullets during every deploy wondering which cosmic ray will finally bring the whole system crashing down. The ultimate "it ain't stupid if it works" moment in engineering history.

The pinnacle of version control laziness: just add * to your .gitignore and call it a day. Why carefully select which files to ignore when you can ignore everything and manually add each file you want? It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it, then rebuilding one room at a time. Genius time-saving strategy until you need to git add -f 500 files. Works every time, 0% of the time.

The eternal duality of developer urgency! Your product manager frantically messages: "Need this PR merged ASAP!!!" But what they don't realize is you've mastered the art of interpreting "ASAP" as "As Slow As Possible." Like Skeletor here, you'll confidently declare your alternative interpretation before quietly slipping away into the shadows. That urgent feature request? It'll be ready when it's ready... which coincidentally aligns perfectly with your existing plans to refactor that completely unrelated module first. The best part? When they finally catch up with you three sprints later, you can just blame it on "unexpected technical complexities" and "proper testing protocols." Checkmate, management.

Oh. My. GOD! The absolute TRAGEDY of every IT professional's social life! 😭 You think you're impressing someone with your fancy "architect" title, only to watch their excitement PLUMMET into the abyss when you add those fatal two letters: "IT-". The disappointment is so palpable you could build a data center with it! One minute they're imagining you designing the next Burj Khalifa, the next they realize you're just the person who tells everyone to "try turning it off and on again." THE HORROR!

Nothing says "we love our users" like dropping a free AI feature that immediately sets fire to your data center. Those poor GPUs, running at 110°C, fans screaming like they're auditioning for a metal band. Meanwhile, DevOps is frantically calculating the electricity bill while the marketing team high-fives over user engagement metrics. The best part? The feature probably could've been implemented with a simple if-statement, but hey—gotta justify those VC millions somehow!