We Are Not Log-Parsing Machines

BEHOLD! The REVOLUTIONARY cooling technology that's sweeping Silicon Valley! Some GENIUS has placed an ice pack on their laptop keyboard because apparently their code is so blazingly inefficient it's causing thermal nuclear meltdown! 🔥 The sheer DRAMA of this desperate attempt to save a Lenovo from self-immolation! That blue ice pack isn't just cooling hardware—it's cooling the tears of a developer who wrote nested for-loops inside a recursive function! The laptop is LITERALLY begging for mercy while compiling what must be the most horrifically unoptimized code since the invention of COBOL! Next up: putting your laptop in the freezer because you decided to run Electron apps and Chrome simultaneously! REVOLUTIONARY!

Content How can I do "A"? I really need to do "A" Replies: There's no functionality for "A" but vou can use this little exploit in the engine to achieve similar result: Update 5.1.2342304283 Removed bug that allowed you to "A" Dev

Content BACK VOCALIST Gets a fraction of frontman's paycheck Can't take a break during work hours Drinks to forget old memories from work Has to work in synch with frontman Noone will probably notice your mistake BACKENDER Gets roughly the same pay as frontender Seems like he's always on a break drinking coffee Drinks with sysadmin to aquaire old memories from work Can work both synchronous and asynchronous 500 INTERNAL SERVER ERROR

Content Jay Phelps jayphelps Manager: I want our web app to feel more like a native app You: window.onerror window. close; 6:29 AM - Oct 12, 2019 Twitter Web App 2.9K Retweets 12.1K Likes

The evolution of developer confidence in three simple steps: 1. Junior dev: "I don't know what's happening" *frantically Googles error* 2. Mid-level dev: "I don't know but I'll figure it out" *opens Stack Overflow with determination* 3. Senior dev: "It's a known issue" *closes ticket without explanation* The real senior dev superpower isn't knowing everything—it's knowing how to make your ignorance sound like industry wisdom. Bonus points if you say it with enough confidence that the client thinks it's part of the roadmap!

Content robin dreamsofsloth the first thing our new hire did was fix a bug that's been bugging him forever as a user prior to joining. he then breathed a sigh of relief and submitted his two weeks' notice. wtf??