Today I Am An Engineer

Oh, Santa baby, just slip some working code under the tree! Forget the new laptop, the mechanical keyboard, or even a raise—this developer is asking for the ONE miracle that even Santa's elves can't deliver: error-free code that runs perfectly on the first try. The absolute AUDACITY of this wish list. Might as well ask for world peace or for CSS to make sense. Santa's sitting there reading this like "Kid, I can bring you a PS5, I can bring you socks, but I'm not a wizard." The reindeer are literally shaking their heads in the background knowing this is more impossible than fitting down a chimney. The real tragedy? Deep down, every developer knows they're getting another year of "undefined is not a function" and "works on my machine" instead. Ho ho... no.

The majestic lion might not care about optimization, but that 15.5 FPS is SCREAMING in pain! Sweet mother of performance issues! 💀 Developers spending 72 hours optimizing code to squeeze out 2 more frames per second while this royal beast is just lounging around with catastrophic frame rates like it's a day at the spa. Meanwhile, gamers are having seizures trying to play anything below 60 FPS. THE AUDACITY! For the non-gaming crowd: FPS = Frames Per Second. Anything below 30 is basically a slideshow presentation from hell.

Someone's codebase just jumped from line 6061 to line 19515. That's not a typo, that's a 13,454-line function sitting there like an architectural war crime. When your coworker asks "how long is that function?" and you have to scroll for the next 20 minutes to find the closing bracket, you know someone's been writing code like they're paid by the line. Pretty sure there's a Geneva Convention against functions this long. The debugger autocomplete showing line numbers in the five-digit range is basically a cry for help.

Content My facebook suddenly split in half and this screen popped up with all these random cyber space options and it was like watching and assessing things s00000 weird? and talking about child... and children being forced WTF????? is this some sort of cyber police thing that my IP was accedently allowed to access so i could help stop child abuse on the net or am i going crazy???? has this happened to anyone else??? - (4) feeling confused. Like Comment Share 10 hours ago Console Inspector Debucger Stvie Editor Profiler O IS Security e Logging anker duralr 032-19:20.128 A Unknown pseudo-class or pseudo-element "-webkit-input-placeholder", Ruleset Sgnored due to bad selector 22:19:20.128 Unknown pseudo-class or oseudo clement 'ens input-placcholder', Ruleset ignored due to bad selector 22:21:37.103 u jefeZ13FH.35 48 u jefo213FH ess 51 bt 3d702y7.Js:47 39655563 360 YUl box for div element contained an inline son child. forcino all Ses children to be wrsooed in a bloc 22:23:17.983 A Error in parsing value for "left'. Declaration dropped. photo.pho 22:25:28.965 GET https:3-0-06-05h2.chennel.facebook.comput12channelap 100004713670425.10n1375clent10-2672074e6cb1k285.101em-16cop06rodemstreamSformatalson INTTP1.1.2001 ProgrammerHumor io

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When your power supply is literally smoking but tech support insists on running through their entire script before admitting the obvious. This is the perfect illustration of the eternal battle between users who can see their computer is on fire and tech support who needs you to turn it off and on again first. Because clearly, the NOSMOKE module being incompatible with your power supply isn't as obvious as the actual smoke pouring out of your case. And the final punchline? Microsoft can't help because NOSMOKE isn't compatible with your power supply. You don't say! Next they'll tell you that water isn't compatible with electrocution.