The Quick Call Curse

Content Google Close tabs? X You are about to close 3293 tabs. Are you sure you want to continue? Warn me when I attempt to close multiple tabs Close Tabs Cancel

Content When your mom keeps telling everyone that you're a programmer and you can fix their computerprinter

Oh honey, the AUDACITY of that compiler error after I've spent FIVE HOURS declaring my undying love for coding! 💅 One minute you're all "this is my greatest passion" and the next you're ready to commit a felony against your hardware because your code won't compile for the 47th time. The transformation from coding enthusiast to potential computer murderer happens FASTER than your IDE can suggest another useless autocomplete. The relationship between programmer and machine is truly the most toxic relationship in history - and yet we keep coming back for more punishment!

The classic tale of software development! You've got this beautiful, sleeping lion of efficient code that's been purring along just fine in production for months. Then some product manager comes along with a stick and the brilliant idea to "just add one small feature" that's about to wake the beast and unleash chaos across your entire codebase. That baboon with a stick is the perfect embodiment of management poking at stable systems without understanding the delicate balance that keeps everything from exploding. Ten bucks says the lion wakes up and someone's going to be debugging until 4 AM on a Saturday.

Content YOUR CODE MOSTLY WORKS BUTHAS A BUG YOUR CODE DOESNIT WORKATALL AFTER TRYING TO FIX THE BUG YOU UNDO THE CHANGES Kalm Panik Kalm THE ORIGINALCODE DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE Panik

When the interviewer asks you to write a loop but you've been optimizing code since the Pentium era. Why waste precious CPU cycles on branch prediction and loop overhead when you can just manually unroll that bad boy? Sure, it looks like you're writing code with your face, but technically you're just doing the compiler's job for it. Modern problems require ancient solutions that haven't been relevant since 1997. Your interviewer is either going to hire you immediately or quietly escort you from the building. No middle ground.