Old Man Yells At Cloud (Services)

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Executives laughing hysterically at the fantasy they sell to clients about perfect cloud reliability. Meanwhile, every DevOps engineer watching this just had a nervous eye twitch remembering that 3 AM incident when AWS us-east-1 went down and took half the internet with it. The classic corporate disconnect between sales promises and technical reality—where uptime SLAs meet cold, hard distributed systems theory. Five-nines reliability? Sure, if you don't count "planned maintenance."

OH. MY. GOD. The ABSOLUTE VILLAIN creating a bot to send heart-attack-inducing emails to poor unsuspecting GitHub users! 😱 Nothing says "Happy Friday night" like making developers FRANTICALLY check their AWS console at 11PM while their dinner gets cold and their date wonders why they're hyperventilating! $30,000 in cloud costs?! That's not a bill, that's a down payment on a HOUSE! The sheer CHAOS this would cause in Slack channels everywhere... DevOps teams would be having emergency meetings while still in their pajamas! Pure EVIL GENIUS wrapped in a 280-character tweet!

Congratulations, you've discovered the secret to cheap cloud infrastructure: child labor and psychological warfare! Nothing says "DevOps efficiency" quite like threatening junior developers with abandonment in the AWS jungle if they don't fix your spaghetti infrastructure. The perfect metaphor for how most companies handle their cloud migration strategy - throw terrified newcomers at the problem until someone figures out why your Lambda functions are bleeding money. Those kids' tears are still cheaper than actual AWS consultants.

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