Fixing a bug in production be like

The philosophical horror of maintaining legacy code summarized perfectly. What starts as a quick ticket to "just fix one small bug" turns into an existential crisis when you realize the code was written by someone who left the company 8 years ago and apparently coded while having a stroke. Soon you're the one staring back from the void, muttering "it works, don't touch it" to the next poor soul. Nietzsche would've been a great tech lead. He'd understand why we add comments like "// Don't delete this or everything breaks. I don't know why."

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of us developers choosing print statements over actual debuggers! 💅 Look, sweetie, we KNOW there's a sophisticated debugger RIGHT THERE with breakpoints and variable inspection and all that fancy jazz. But will we use it? ABSOLUTELY NOT! We'd rather litter our code with 500 print statements like "HERE1", "HERE2", "WHYYYYYY", and "KILL ME NOW" because apparently we're all masochists with PhDs in self-sabotage! And don't even get me started on the rush of dopamine when you find the bug through your chaotic print statement strategy. It's like winning the lottery while simultaneously setting your career on fire! ✨

Content G Closed miku-chan03 opened this issue on 18 Oct 2017 2 comments miku-chan03 commented on 18 Oct 2017 Contributor Hil I fixie wixied the JSON-api fucksy wucksie!!! xp I repwaced the Prototypes. func wiff a more -streamlined- kawaii Pwototypiee. funkywunks object that make the JS go sooper dooper fast!! XD starts twerking Can u pwease merge my pwull wequest senpai?!! UwU gaearon commented on 19 Oct 2017 Contributor what in the name of fuck O gaearon closed this permanently on 19 Oct 2017

The lion may be king of the jungle, but he'd be fired on day one at any tech company. Real developers know that skipping unit tests is like thinking your code works because it compiled once. Sure, you feel powerful now—until that 3 AM production bug when you're frantically debugging while questioning your career choices. The lion's confidence is cute until QA finds what the tests would have caught in minutes. Brave until the first regression!

The perfect metaphor for our relationship with legacy code! First, we acknowledge it feels abandoned and worthless after years of neglect. Then we realize we actually need it because the entire production system depends on it. We examine it closer, only to discover it's simultaneously a masterpiece of engineering and absolute garbage that nobody wants to refactor. The dung beetle whispering sweet nothings to literal crap is exactly how we justify maintaining that COBOL monstrosity from 1983 that somehow still processes all your financial transactions.

Oh SWEETIE, look at you! Started your dev journey with GRAND VISIONS of changing the world with revolutionary open-source projects that would make humanity WEEP with gratitude! Fast forward to reality: you're crying into your keyboard at 3AM trying to center a div or debugging why your function returns undefined for the 47th time today. Your GitHub is a GRAVEYARD of half-finished projects with names like "cool-app-v2-FINAL-ACTUALLY-FINAL" while you spend your days making enterprise software that tracks how many bathroom breaks employees take. The AUDACITY of our younger selves to have dreams! 😭