Eat, Survive, Cannot Reproduce

OH. MY. GOD. The audacity of this developer! 💅 When asked how they fixed that nasty bug, they just casually drop "Ostrich algorithm" - which is literally the programming equivalent of shoving your head in the sand and pretending the problem doesn't exist! It's the digital version of putting a piece of tape over your check engine light! The absolute DRAMA of admitting you didn't actually fix anything but just decided the bug was "too rare to care about" is sending me to another dimension. This is peak developer energy - why spend 10 hours fixing something when you can spend 10 seconds ignoring it? *hair flip*

Content Selteg IT Solutions Selteq Evacuee Trust Complex Office 209C F-51 Islamabad www.selteq.net infoselteq.net 051 272 6698 Dated: September 20, 2022 Subject: Policy ST-037 Selteq Solutions (SMC-Private) Limited Selteg Targets Evaluation Fines Policy We, Selteg Solutions, are always keen to keep committed employees happy and satisfied. There are target bonuses, performance bonuses, Extra Working Day and Salary Booster Policy to appreciate the hard work. Along with appreciation, it is very important to identify the weakest link of Team and boost hisher performance. Therefore, we have introduced target and performance fines. Aim of this policy is to meet the time lines and increase productivity along with efficiency and accuracy. Please find the conditions and fines below: Developers shall use separate branch to different task, breach of this clause shall cause fine of Rs. 10,000 for not using the different branch. If these tasks are not completed on time, it will further charge Rs. 10,000 fines. Daily task shall be completed on assigned time (pre-agreed deadlines). If tasks are delayed, it was cause Rs. 10,000 fine every day. For Quality Assurance department specifically, they shall test any module completely before approving. If there are any minor bugs found in the module after approval from QA Department, it will cause fine of Rs. 1,000 each minor bug. If there are any major bugsissues found in the module after approval from QA Department, it will cause fine of Rs, 10,000 per major issue. The above-mentioned policy has been duly approved, agreed and signed by the Manager of Operations and Director of the Company. Reheem Dad CEO Selteq Solutions (SMC-Private) Ltd Name: Mr. Raheem Dad Designation: CEO Name: Mr. Saad Bin Masood Designation: Manager Operations Selteq Solutions (SMC-Private) Limited. Incorporation No. 0126739 Registered Address: Evacuee Trust Complex, Office 209C, F-51, Islamabad. Postal Code: 44000

Content Nice and shiny project your team just delivered Hotfixing on production after 3 years of maintainance by another team ProarammerHumor.

Content Walf walfieee Follow escape room concept: - you are a software engineer - there is a production issue related to a legacy codebase - no one knows how it works - various credentials are scattered around the office on post-it notes -there's some printouts of git diffs - you have an hour to fix this 5:36 am - 18 Jan 2018 6,627 Retweets 14,204 Likes 356 17 6.6K 14K

That moment when you've been manually refreshing the page for 8 hours straight, squinting at console logs, and questioning your career choices... only to realize you never pressed the magic "refresh debugger" button. The browser's been showing you the same broken code all day while you slowly lose your sanity. Pro tip: before throwing your laptop out the window, try Ctrl+F5 first.

When your coworker shares their 4K monitor screen and you suddenly realize they've been coding in font size 8 this whole time. Your retinas burn as you squint at microscopic variable names while they casually navigate their IDE like it's completely normal. Meanwhile, you're over here with font size 16 and still reaching for reading glasses during code reviews.