The Four Horsemen Of SQL Development

Content rLifeProTips Posted by uneocamel 16h Join 6 9.15 03 01 81 82 LPT - If learning a new language, try watching children's cartoons in that language. They speak slower, more clearly, and use simpler language than adult programming. Arts Culture 4 36.0k 854 Share super-mar1003 14h 5 Awards Any suggestions for learning C? Reply 3.7k

That visceral internal reaction when your non-technical friend pitches their "revolutionary" app idea that's basically just Uber-but-for-dogwalkers and casually mentions "it should only take a weekend to build, right?" The face perfectly captures that split-second calculation of whether to explain that their "simple app" requires a database architecture, frontend framework, backend API, authentication system, payment processing, and six months of your life... or just smile politely while mentally running process.exit(1) .

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The top panel shows a beautiful hierarchical file structure—the kind they teach in CS courses. Neatly organized projects, experiments, and data types, all properly labeled with sensible naming conventions. Meanwhile, the bottom panel reveals the horrifying truth: a dumpster labeled "TEMP" overflowing with digital garbage. That's where your production data actually lives—right next to yesterday's lunch and those "I'll sort these later" files from 2018. The "HAZARDOUS" label is the chef's kiss here. Nothing says "enterprise-grade solution" like a folder that could metaphorically give you tetanus. Who needs database normalization when you can just ctrl+F through 8GB of unsorted files?

Ah, the eternal throne room of data storage, where CSV sits as the reluctant monarch. While Postgres kneels before the throne with actual database capabilities, Excel and HyperCard stand guard like knights who peaked in high school. Meanwhile, Google Sheets, Access, and Airtable huddle on the floor like peasants who think they'll someday be invited to dinner. The real joke? We all complain about CSV's lack of typing, relations, and basic sanity checks, yet it's outlived every "proper" database solution we've thrown at it. It's the cockroach of data formats - nuclear war wouldn't kill it, just create more variants with inconsistent delimiters.

The recruiter promised you a tech paradise of Python, C++, SQL, and embedded systems. Six months later, you're a broken shell of a human manually copying data between Excel sheets. The thousand-yard stare says it all. Your CS degree is collecting dust while you're becoming a human VLOOKUP function.