When Your Cough Seg Faults

The duality of programming languages in their natural habitat: Java developers live in two states: complete confusion and smug pretentiousness. "What the hell is this code" meets "It's a StrategyManagerFactory" with zero middle ground. The naming conventions alone require a PhD in verbosity. Meanwhile, C++ developers have achieved enlightenment through suffering. Both sides of the brain have united in the brotherhood of bewilderment. The left guy asks what the hell is happening, and the right guy—instead of pretending to understand—simply admits the universal truth of programming: absolutely nobody knows what's going on. The real joke? We're all getting paid to write code nobody understands. Pure genius.

Ah yes, the classic LinkedIn tech post where someone claims Fortnite was built with C++ and Minecraft with Java—technically correct! But then there's the masterpiece known as "MOHBGS"... which doesn't exist. It's the perfect representation of those LinkedIn "experts" who confidently list technologies they've never touched and games they've never played just to appear knowledgeable. The digital equivalent of nodding along in meetings when you have no idea what's being discussed. Resume padding has evolved into an art form!

Stroustrup in 1987: "C++ is designed to make programming more enjoyable for the serious programmer." Programmers for the next 36 years: *crying while debugging memory leaks, fighting with template metaprogramming, and questioning life choices after seeing error messages longer than the entire codebase* Nothing says "enjoyable" quite like manually managing pointers at 3AM while questioning if you should've just become a farmer instead.

The conspiracy theorist's guide to programming languages. While everyone's worried about memory leaks, the real threat is corporate control. C remains the last bastion of freedom in a world where tech giants puppeteer our code. Rust? A Google puppet. JavaScript? FAANG's playground. Meanwhile, C sits there with its pointer arithmetic and segfaults saying "at least I'll let you shoot yourself in the foot with complete freedom ." The tinfoil hat comes with every compiler installation.

C++ developers watching Rust evangelists talk about memory safety is the programming equivalent of a wolf staring down a chihuahua. Sure, the chihuahua is making valid points about not eating the neighbors, but the wolf's been managing just fine with raw power and sharp teeth for decades, thank you very much. After 35 years of manual memory management, we've seen some things. And yeah, maybe we've caused a few segfaults that took down production servers at 2AM, but that's just character building.

Oh, the ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of programming languages! 💀 C makes you hate Object-Oriented Programming because WHO NEEDS ORGANIZATION when you can have pure CHAOS?! Python's performance is slower than my grandmother's dial-up internet! Java's memory management is like having a roommate who keeps buying furniture but NEVER THROWS ANYTHING AWAY! C++ will literally SHOOT YOUR LEG OFF with pointer errors and memory leaks! And CSS? Can't even finish the word "CONSISTENCY" because IT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS! The audacity of these languages to make us suffer while we pretend to be professional developers! 😭