Memory Safety Withdrawal Syndrome

The CS freshman starter pack is brutally accurate! They write "Hello World" once and suddenly have 4 programming languages on their LinkedIn. Their entire development environment consists of VS Code and GitKraken because the terminal is "scary." Their idea of deployment? Submitting assignments through Canvas. They'll spend hours hunting for that missing semicolon while sharing Boromir memes, and their entire personality revolves around the Minecraft-inspired "noob vs pro" dichotomy. The gatekeeping begins before they've even built anything substantial!

Rust evangelists: *screeching intensifies* when they discover 19.11% of Rust libraries use the unsafe keyword, while C++ sits smugly at the dinner table knowing it doesn't need to mark anything as unsafe because everything is potentially unsafe by default. It's like bragging about having 19.11% of your codebase labeled "might explode" while C++ just assumes you're smart enough to know the whole thing is a minefield. Memory safety theater at its finest!

This code is the programming equivalent of filling a bathtub one teaspoon at a time while expanding the bathtub after each spoon. 😱 Instead of reading the file in chunks or pre-allocating memory, this monster allocates exactly ONE byte, reads ONE character, reallocates the ENTIRE array, and repeats for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. The malloc/realloc combo is basically begging the memory manager to have a nervous breakdown. The performance would be so catastrophically bad that you could probably go make a sandwich between reading "Hello" and "World". It's like watching someone solve a maze by rebuilding the entire universe after each step.

The classic tale of preprocessor pain! Our poor green frog friend discovers the horrors of working with a client who doesn't understand the critical difference between #pragma once and #ifndef header guards. The dev goes through the proper steps: asking about header guard preferences, explaining duplication errors with a detailed diagram (like the absolute C++ nerd they are), only to discover the client was clueless the whole time. The punchline? "It's pragma once" - meaning the client picked a solution without understanding the problem. This is the programming equivalent of explaining quantum physics to someone who then says "atoms are small, got it!"

Ah yes, the most deterministic random number generator ever created. This function declares an uninitialized integer 'd', then immediately returns it. Congratulations, you've successfully implemented a "random" number generator that returns whatever garbage value happened to be sitting in that memory location. It's random in the sense that you have no idea what you're getting, but it's definitely not what anyone requesting a random number would want. Task failed successfully.

The sky is literally smiling upon C programmers! When your language is so fundamental that even Mother Nature pays homage to it. Sure, Python might be trendy and JavaScript might be everywhere, but C? C is where the real magic happens—where memory leaks are a lifestyle choice and pointer arithmetic is considered a recreational activity. The language where you don't just write code; you craft it byte by precious byte. No garbage collection to save you, just pure, unfiltered programming prowess. Why use 10MB of RAM when 10KB will do? C isn't just a language, it's a badge of honor worn by those who've survived segfaults and lived to tell the tale.