saas Memes

So the US Army just dropped $5.6 billion on Salesforce CRM over 10 years. You know what that means? Soldiers are about to experience the same pain we've all felt: endless Salesforce training modules, custom fields that make no sense, and dashboards that take 45 seconds to load. Imagine being in a combat vehicle and someone says "Nothing from my end" during a mission-critical situation. That's every standup meeting ever, except now with actual stakes. The military-industrial complex just became the military-SaaS complex. Can't wait for soldiers to spend more time updating opportunity stages and pipeline forecasts than actual tactical operations. "Sir, we can't advance—Jenkins forgot to update his contact records and now the whole workflow is blocked."

The dystopian nightmare we're all hurtling towards at breakneck speed! Big Tech really out here trying to convince us that owning hardware is SO last century, darling. Why buy a computer when you can just subscribe to one for the low, low price of your entire paycheck every month until the heat death of the universe? But us crusty developers? We're clinging to our actual physical machines like they're the last lifeboats on the Titanic. You can pry my locally-owned PC from my cold, dead, carpal-tunnel-riddled hands! We didn't survive the transition from floppy disks to cloud storage just to become eternal renters of our own workstations. The audacity of thinking we'd give up root access to our own machines! Absolutely not, Jeff.

Remember when you bought software and it just... worked? No phoning home, no "verify your license," no mandatory updates that brick your workflow. Now your $2000 Adobe subscription needs to check in with the mothership before letting you edit a PNG. Your smart fridge won't dispense ice without WiFi. Your car's heated seats are locked behind a monthly paywall. The shift from ownership to perpetual rental is real. You're not buying products anymore—you're leasing access to features that physically exist in hardware you paid for, but are artificially gated by DRM and always-online requirements. It's the SaaS-ification of everything, where companies realized they can extract infinite revenue from finite purchases. The kicker? When their servers go down or they decide to discontinue the service, your "purchase" evaporates into the cloud. You don't own your games, your music, your tools—you're just renting them until the company decides otherwise. Welcome to the future, where everything is a service and nothing truly belongs to you.