The Corporate Handshake Of Tech Features

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The classic programming double entendre strikes again. When someone says they're a "Swiftie," there's a critical ambiguity - are they obsessed with Taylor Swift's latest breakup anthem or do they spend their nights wrestling with optionals and protocols in Apple's programming language? The reptilian part of the brain wearing that t-shirt clearly expected the former, only to discover he's talking to someone who builds iOS apps for a living. Happens to the best of us. Next time just ask if they prefer "Shake It Off" or "guard let" statements.

Content Microsoft: Wait, I can explain! Apple: Your users know that you're spying? G Google: You spy through the whole OS?? I spy only the web. Linux: You guys are spying?

Content Stephen Gower As someone who has been developing websites since NCSA Mosaic was the only browser available, I'd just like to say that I'm really fcking tired of all the smart assholes out there continuously developing entirely new ways to build web applications. It started simple enough, just html and javascript. Then Cold Fusion. Then java applets. Then java servlets. Then 5 or 6 different Java application servers, EJBs, JSP, struts, XSLT, PHP. But screw all of that. We need Spring. No wait, we need Ruby.and Rails. Wait, we need Query. screw Query. We need AngularJs, and Backbone, and Ember! The world just won't be right until we have 12 different ways to do the same thing in Javascript! Forget all those server-side things you learned. Node js is here! No-wait. F'ck Node. Use Google Go! Honestly how many times are we going to re-invent this wheel? Unless you stay current with all of this nonsense, you basically become unhireable. I'm sure some of you 20 and 30-somethings have already experienced some of this fatigue. Now just imaging 10-15 more years where every 3 years a good portion of what you learned before is now obsolete, and you'll feel like I do.

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The eternal battle between Windows and Mac developers in their natural habitats. Windows devs: proudly crafting software that looks like it was designed during the Clinton administration, but hey—it technically works! That 32-bit executable will run flawlessly on your grandma's Vista machine from 2007. Who needs aesthetics when you have compatibility with operating systems that even Microsoft wants to forget? Meanwhile, Mac developers create gorgeous, minimalist apps that will absolutely destroy your wallet. "That'll be $9.99 or a lifetime subscription that costs more than your car payment. Oh, and we'll need you to upgrade your OS again because we decided last week's version is ancient history." The duality of developer culture: functional ugliness versus beautiful extortion. Choose your fighter!