These People Are Not Real

Content digital VAX 11/780 The Ticketmaster system is a hodge-podge of C and assembler and runs on ancient VMS hardware. The people who developed and maintained it are long since dead and/or retired. It has proven impossible to replace because nothing has been found that can handle thousands of simultaneous purchases as efficiently. The server room that houses the VMS machines has a room where a goat is left every two weeks. The next day, the goat is gone.

The 80s rich guy had a mansion, a Ferrari, and probably a decent stock portfolio. Fast forward to 2026, and the new definition of wealth is... prompting an AI to change a button color to green. We've gone from "greed is good" to "please Claude, make it #00FF00." The real kicker? That AI prompt probably burned through enough GPU cycles to power a small village, all to accomplish what one line of CSS could've done in 0.0001 seconds. But hey, at least we're using cutting-edge technology to reinvent the wheel, one modal button at a time. The electricity bill for training these LLMs could probably buy you that Ferrari, but instead we're using it to avoid typing background-color: green;

So you thought asking ChatGPT to "not make any mistakes" would somehow unlock god mode and generate a million-dollar app? Sweet summer child. That's like telling your code to "just work" and expecting production-ready software. The universe doesn't operate on vibes and polite requests, my friend. The delicious irony here is that adding "don't make mistakes" to your prompt is about as effective as putting a "No Bugs Allowed" sign on your IDE. ChatGPT is still gonna hallucinate dependencies that don't exist, suggest deprecated methods from 2015, and confidently tell you that your syntax error is actually a feature. But sure, the magic words will fix everything! The buff dude staring intensely at his screen really sells the energy of someone who genuinely believes they've cracked the code to AI perfection. Spoiler alert: ChatGPT read your instruction, nodded politely, and then proceeded to make mistakes anyway because that's what LLMs do best—sound confident while being spectacularly wrong.

Forget fancy GPUs and neural networks— real deep learning is just studying underwater. The person in the image has taken "deep" learning to its literal extreme, sitting at a desk completely submerged in a swimming pool. This is basically what it feels like trying to understand transformer architecture documentation after your third cup of coffee. Bonus points for the waterproof textbook that probably costs more than your monthly AWS bill.

GASP! You mean to tell me all these fancy-schmancy "revolutionary" AI browsers are just Chrome in a trench coat?! THE BETRAYAL! 😱 Look at those innocent browser icons up top, flaunting their unique personalities like they're special snowflakes. Then BAM! Put on those reality glasses and what do you see? CHROMIUM. CHROMIUM EVERYWHERE. It's like finding out all your favorite "craft" sodas come from the same factory! Google's just sitting in the corner twirling its evil mustache while Firefox desperately tries to remind us it's the only true rebel left in this Chrome-ified dystopia. I'm having an existential crisis over here!

So the AI training data is getting so polluted with AI-generated garbage that now CAPTCHAs are asking us to identify "human-created objects" and... construction cranes? Really? That's what passes the Turing test now? The birds are all labeled "BIRD BIRD BIRD" and "RABBIT RABBIT" like some deranged AI trying to convince itself what things are. Meanwhile, the three "human-created" objects are a bus, construction cranes, and... more construction cranes. Because nothing screams "humanity" like infrastructure projects that take 5 years longer than estimated. We've come full circle. We trained AI on human data, AI flooded the internet with synthetic data, and now we need humans to prove they're human by identifying what AI didn't create. The machines aren't taking over—they're just making everything so confusing that we're doing their job for them.