Skynet Is Close

Ah, sweet summer child with dreams of "enhancing" the Linux kernel with AI. Linus Torvalds is probably already typing a profanity-laden email explaining why your brilliant idea belongs in the same category as "adding blockchain to grep" or "making systemd even bigger." The Linux kernel maintainers have spent decades perfecting schedulers that can run everything from supercomputers to toasters. But sure, slap some AI on it! While you're at it, why not rewrite the whole thing in JavaScript? Those 9 replies are probably ranging from "please read the kernel documentation first" to "who let the intern on the mailing list again?"

The bell curve of intelligence strikes again! We've got the blissfully unaware 70 IQ folks on the left who code because it brings them joy. Then there's the 130 IQ zen masters on the right who've transcended the existential dread and also code for pure enjoyment. Meanwhile, the "intellectual" 100 IQ middle-grounders are having panic attacks about AI stealing their jobs. Classic case of being just smart enough to be terrified but not smart enough to realize it doesn't matter. Honestly, the real galaxy brain move is coding because you enjoy it while the AI learns to handle all those tedious JIRA tickets you hate anyway.

Corporate strategy in 2024: Watch AI zoom by, panic, grab it mid-flight, then pretend you were steering it all along. CEOs worldwide mastering the art of the strategic pivot from "what's generative AI?" to "we've always been an AI-first company." Nothing says executive leadership like retrofitting the arrow of progress into your PowerPoint after it's already been fired.

Ah yes, nothing says "efficient solution" like using a machete labeled "Deep learning" to slice through a tiny piece of bread labeled "Simple problem." The classic case of computational overkill. Why use a simple if-statement when you could train a 500-layer neural network that requires a small power plant to run? Next week: using quantum computing to calculate a 15% tip.

Oh look, another tech bro who thinks his AI startup is a special snowflake in an avalanche! The meme perfectly captures the delusion of every "visionary founder" who believes their AI solution will "disrupt the entire industry" while the actual industry is just a massive warehouse of identical Buzz Lightyear toys. Spoiler alert: your revolutionary algorithm is probably just another if-else statement wearing a neural network costume. The tech world doesn't need another "groundbreaking" AI startup that predicts which cat videos you'll watch next—it needs founders who understand that saying "we use AI" is about as unique as having a LinkedIn profile. Next time you want to disrupt something, try disrupting your own ego first!

Claiming you've been using ChatGPT since 1996 is like saying you had WiFi in the Middle Ages. For the youngsters: that's Courage the Cowardly Dog typing on a chunky beige PC from when the internet made dial-up sounds that haunted your nightmares. Back then, "AI assistance" meant asking your roommate if they remembered the syntax for a for-loop while they were in the shower. The closest thing to ChatGPT was probably Clippy, and even he couldn't help you reverse a binary tree.