Press X To Doubt

When you're defending your nested if-statements and global variables by pointing out that at least you wrote it yourself instead of asking ChatGPT to do it. Sure, your code looks like someone threw a keyboard down the stairs, but it's authentic garbage. Hand-crafted, artisanal technical debt. The bar has officially dropped so low that "I didn't use AI" is now a flex. What a time to be alive.

Behold, the "ML Engineer" who discovered that Python sorts strings alphabetically instead of numerically! The horror! Next breaking news: water is wet. What we're witnessing here is the classic "I didn't read the docs but it's definitely the language's fault" syndrome. Python's sorted() is working perfectly—it's sorting ["9%", "83%", "25%"] as strings, exactly as it should when you give it strings. Pro tip for our aspiring "ML Engineer": try sorted([int(x.strip('%')) for x in a]) next time. Or maybe stick to Excel?

Every decade brings a new "revolutionary" way to make developers obsolete, yet here we are, still debugging at 3 AM. Visual Programming in the '90s promised drag-and-drop salvation, MDA in the 2000s swore models would auto-generate everything, No-Code platforms in the 2010s claimed anyone could build apps without writing a line. Now we've got "Vibe-Code" where you just describe what you want and AI does the heavy lifting. Spoiler alert: someone still needs to fix it when the AI hallucinates a database schema or generates a sorting algorithm that runs in O(n!). The pattern is clear—each generation thinks they've cracked the code to eliminate coding itself. Meanwhile, programmers keep getting paid to clean up the mess these "solutions" create. Job security through eternal optimism, baby.

Ah, sweet summer child with dreams of "enhancing" the Linux kernel with AI. Linus Torvalds is probably already typing a profanity-laden email explaining why your brilliant idea belongs in the same category as "adding blockchain to grep" or "making systemd even bigger." The Linux kernel maintainers have spent decades perfecting schedulers that can run everything from supercomputers to toasters. But sure, slap some AI on it! While you're at it, why not rewrite the whole thing in JavaScript? Those 9 replies are probably ranging from "please read the kernel documentation first" to "who let the intern on the mailing list again?"

Ah, the sweet irony of digital existence. Imagine needing a machine to confirm you're not a machine. It's like asking a fish to verify you can swim. We've gone from "I think, therefore I am" to "An AI thinks I am, therefore I am." The existential crisis of 2023 isn't about purpose—it's about convincing algorithms we're flesh and blood while they're busy learning to mimic our every thought. Next up: AIs requiring verification from other AIs that they're authentic AIs. The circle of digital life continues.