I Don't Need AI In My Fridge

The eternal job title inflation cycle in tech. In 2005, PHP developers were desperately trying to distinguish themselves from "IT guys." Fast forward to 2015, and suddenly "programmer" became a dirty word - everyone had to be a "software developer." Now the prophecy shows us in 2025, those same folks will be scoffing: "Developer? Please, I'm an AI engineer." Meanwhile, the actual work remains the same: making computers do things without crashing too often. The more things change, the more we just rebrand our LinkedIn profiles.

Ah yes, the pinnacle of security: "Let me just ask this AI if your SQL injection attack looks suspicious." It's like putting a security guard at the bank entrance who needs to call his mom before deciding if the guy in the ski mask with a gun is a threat. The best part is storing the DB credentials right there in plain text. Nothing says "enterprise-grade security" like exposing your entire database to anyone who can read code.

The evolution of software development methodologies perfectly captured in vehicular form! Waterfall starts with just a wheel (requirements), then a chassis (design), finally becoming a complete car (finished product) – but by then it's already outdated and over-engineered. Agile begins with a skateboard (MVP), evolves to a motorcycle (functional iterations), and ends with a convertible (adaptable final product) – actually useful at every stage! Then there's AI development... starting with a car missing half its parts, progressing to a cat with wheels (because why not?), and finally delivering a rubber duck. Shipping whatever bizarre hallucination the model generated that day and calling it "innovative disruption."

The big AI models (ChatGPT, Gemini, Claude) get all the glory while your scrappy little homegrown model sits alone in the dark. It's that moment when you've spent months fine-tuning your own AI on a single GPU while the tech giants deploy thousands of servers. But hey, at least your model doesn't need an internet connection and won't hallucinate facts about your codebase! There's something beautifully defiant about running your own AI locally—like growing vegetables in your backyard while everyone else shops at Whole Foods. Your electricity bill might disagree though.

The ultimate reverse uno card of modern programming! While CS students frantically copy-paste ChatGPT's answers hoping their professor doesn't notice, seasoned devs are out here playing 4D chess—deliberately making their clean, efficient code look like it came from an AI just to appease management's "AI integration" checkbox. Nothing says "I'm embracing the future" quite like downgrading your perfectly functional code with some random variables and unnecessary comments about "leveraging synergies." The irony is delicious.

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