Forget love, forget companionship, forget human connection—nothing, and I mean NOTHING, hits quite like that godlike rush of dopamine when you finally squash that bug that's been haunting you for hours and get to close those 100 Chrome tabs you opened in your desperate Stack Overflow spiral. Who needs a relationship when you can have the pure, unadulterated bliss of watching your code actually work? That's the good stuff right there. Your RAM thanks you, your browser thanks you, and your soul? Well, it's finally at peace. Until the next bug, anyway.

The eternal struggle between doing things right and doing things... eventually. You've got two buttons: fix the bug properly like a responsible adult, or slap a // TODO: fix later comment on it and pretend future-you will handle it. Spoiler alert: future-you will hate past-you. The choice is obvious, right? Wrong. The "fix later" button is basically a black hole where good intentions go to die. That TODO comment will sit there for years, accumulating dust and judgment from every developer who stumbles upon it. Meanwhile, your TODO list grows longer than a CVS receipt, and you're out here adding to it like it's a hobby. The sweating intensifies because deep down, you know that "later" never comes. It's the developer's equivalent of "I'll start my diet on Monday." But hey, at least you documented your procrastination, which is more than most can say.