HTML: The Beetle In The Programming Zoo

A cosmic correlation chart showing Earth as the only planet with both JavaScript and 120+ billion deaths. Turns out JavaScript wasn't created to build web apps—it's actually an elaborate population control mechanism! Those undefined is not a function errors aren't bugs, they're features designed to induce developer rage-quitting existence. The real reason aliens haven't contacted us? They scanned our GitHub repos and noped right out of our solar system. "TypeError: Cannot read property 'intelligence' of undefined."

Running git blame is like opening Pandora's box of workplace drama! You start all confident thinking "I'll find who wrote this garbage" only to discover it was YOUR BOSS all along. That moment when your face transitions from detective to absolute horror as you realize you're about to refactor code written by the person who signs your paychecks. Time to quietly close the terminal and pretend you never saw anything... 🙈

When a dropdown explicitly tells you not to select something, it's basically sending an engraved invitation to every developer's curiosity. That "Only for Admin Use" option might as well be labeled "Click Here to See What Happens." Nothing says "robust security model" quite like putting admin privileges in a user-facing dropdown and just hoping people follow instructions. It's the digital equivalent of putting a cookie jar on the counter with a sticky note saying "Please don't eat" and expecting that to work.

The juxtaposition here is pure gold. After years of developers begging for dark mode on Stack Overflow, they finally release it in 2020... proving that yes, programmers literally only want one thing. And apparently it's "fucking disgusting" to want your retinas intact at 3 AM while desperately searching for why your code is broken. Sure took them long enough – we only had to wait until our eyeballs were practically fossilized from light mode strain. The sweet irony of Stack Overflow calling their most requested feature "coming to life" when it's actually saving the life of our poor, abused eyes.

The tech industry in a nutshell: watch an 18-minute podcast about landing your dream dev job, then immediately get hit with an 11-minute reality check on why you're completely screwed. Nothing says "balanced career advice" like emotional whiplash between hope and despair in your YouTube recommendations. The algorithm knows exactly how to keep you in that perfect state of anxious engagement.

Oh, the HORROR! Forget solitary confinement—this judge just handed down the most SAVAGE punishment in legal history! 💀 Two years of JavaScript?! Might as well sentence them to manually debugging an infinite loop while sitting on a throne of semicolons! The Finnish prison system thinks they're being progressive with their "rehabilitation" but forcing someone to deal with JavaScript's chaotic type coercion and callback hell is basically a war crime that violates the Geneva Convention. I'd literally rather break rocks in a chain gang than try to remember if I need to use "==" or "===" for the ten millionth time. The TRAUMA!