Fixing Bugs The Corporate Way

Content Roman Sharkov admin Downloaded a virus for Linux lately and unpacked it. Tried to run it as root, didn't work. Googled for 2 hours, found out that instead of uslocalbin the virus unpacked to usr bin for which the user malware doesn't have any write permissions, therefore the virus couldn't create a process file. Found patched . configure and . make files on some Chinese forum, recompiled and rerun it. The virus said it needs the library cmalw-11b-2.0. Turns out cmalw-lib-2.0 is shipped with CentOS but not with Ubuntu. Googled for hours again and found an instruction to build a . deb package from source. The virus finally started, wrote some logs, made a core dump and crashed. After 1 hour of going through the logs 1 discovered the virus assumed it was running on ext4 and called into its disk encryption API. Under btrfs this API is deprecated. The kernel noticed and made this partition read-only. Opened the sources, grep'ed the Bitcoin wallet and sent 5 out of pity. 19-50

MARKETING: *enthusiastically gives thumbs up* "We can totally deliver this revolutionary feature by next Tuesday!" DEVS AND QA: *thousand-yard stare of someone who's seen too many impossible deadlines* The eternal corporate tango where Marketing promises the moon while Development silently calculates how many all-nighters it'll take to build a rocket from scratch. HONEY, THAT'S NOT A FEATURE, THAT'S A WHOLE NEW PRODUCT LINE! 💀

Content 14 15 16 17 define yeet throw if (tRsp.error) yeet new std: :exception();

The eternal dance of software development in two frames: a developer screaming internally while trying to estimate how long a project will take, juxtaposed with a project manager gleefully promising impossible deadlines to clients. It's like watching someone calculate the precise dimensions of a coffin while their boss is already selling tickets to the resurrection. The developer knows whatever number they give will be arbitrary and wrong, yet the PM has already promised the client they'll deliver a full enterprise system by next Tuesday. And thus begins another project destined to join the 70% that fail or exceed their budgets. But hey, at least the client is temporarily happy!

Content My brain after 8 hours of sleep My brain after 4 hours of sleep I just added 15 new classes, 28 integration tests, and have 80 code coverage ProdrammerHumor.io Help, the compiler is saying "Syntax Error"

Sales: "Our software is revolutionary! Look at these smooth animations!" Meanwhile, developers are frantically messaging each other: "DON'T CLICK THAT BUTTON! THE ENTIRE DATABASE WILL EXPLODE!" The eternal tech company cycle: sales promising features that exist only in PowerPoint while developers contemplate career changes. The slick UI is just makeup on a pig that's about to crash spectacularly in production. But hey, the animations are buttery smooth!