Having A Website (Or Having Your Credentials Stolen)

The ultimate security theater—an Epson projector with a "PASSWORD PROTECTED" sticker slapped on it. Because nothing says "Fort Knox" like a device whose default password is probably "admin" or "0000". The IT department's noble attempt at security that'll stop absolutely no one except the presenter who actually needs to use it five minutes before the demo. Meanwhile, the hacker in the audience is thinking, "Ah yes, this sophisticated 4-digit barrier is truly impenetrable."

Ah, the Hollywood hacking scenes – where furious typing and green text on black screens somehow grants access to the Pentagon in 12 seconds flat. Meanwhile, actual programmers are watching with that knowing smirk, sipping coffee, thinking "Sure buddy, go ahead and 'hack the mainframe' by mashing random keys while I spend 3 hours debugging why my function returns undefined despite literally changing nothing in the code." The only thing more unrealistic than movie hacking is the idea that any of us could look that good while coding. In reality, we're all just npm installing our problems away and praying the dependencies don't break again.

Sure, let's skip the whole "writing secure code" thing and jump straight to "vibe coding" because nothing says good vibes like a security breach at 2AM on a Sunday. Management wanted us to "move fast and break things" — turns out we're exceptional at the breaking part. The glasses just help you see the vulnerabilities better after they've already escaped to production. Security teams hate this one weird trick.

The modern tech job hunt: excitement, followed by crushing disappointment. You think you've landed that perfect senior role after weeks of interviews, only to discover it's just another sophisticated phishing attempt to steal your identity. The real technical interview was the social engineering test you failed. Next time maybe try asking the "recruiter" to reverse a binary tree on the whiteboard first.

Ah yes, the classic "we need a random number generator" dilemma solved by... *checks notes*... a wall of lava lamps? Fun fact: Cloudflare actually uses a wall of lava lamps to generate truly random numbers for encryption. The unpredictable movement of the blobs creates entropy that's photographed and converted to random data. Meanwhile, the developer who suggested this bizarre solution is now getting side-eye from colleagues who were probably expecting Math.random() like normal people. But hey, sometimes the weirdest solutions are the most secure ones.

Ah, the classic tech industry paradox! A grocery store wants a sysadmin with Cisco certifications, Azure experience, VMware skills, on-call hours, AND the ability to lift 50 pounds... all for the princely sum of $23.80/hour ($49,504/year). That's like asking someone who can build a nuclear reactor to also flip the burgers at the cafeteria for minimum wage. The real cherry on top? "Occasional lifting" and "on-call weekends" - because nothing says "we value your 7+ years of specialized technical expertise" like making you haul servers around and fix the CEO's printer at 2am on a Sunday for less than what some entry-level developers make. This is the tech equivalent of "we're looking for a brain surgeon with 10 years experience who also does plumbing, for the competitive salary of whatever we found in the couch cushions."