I Hate Memory Safe Low Level Languages

MY ENTIRE PROGRAMMING LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE! 😱 Here I am thinking Rust is named after that horrifying orange corrosion that eats metal alive, with its edgy "memory safety" branding, but NOOOO—it's named after some obscure fungus?! And Python?! I spent YEARS believing it was named after those terrifying reptiles that squeeze the life out of their prey (just like Python code squeezes the life out of my CPU), but it's actually named after Monty Python?! The comedy group?! What's next? Is JavaScript actually named after someone's pet goldfish named "Java" who liked to follow "scripts" of swimming patterns?! I CAN'T EVEN TRUST PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE NAMES ANYMORE! 💀

BEHOLD! The sacred ritual of the unemployed coder! There they stand, fist raised dramatically to the heavens, as if writing "Hello World" in yet another language will somehow transform them from jobless keyboard warrior to tech billionaire overnight! The AUDACITY! The DRAMA! The sheer DELUSION that learning your 27th programming language will finally be the one that makes recruiters slide into your DMs! Meanwhile, their LinkedIn profile weeps silently in the corner as they ignore actual marketable skills to master printing text to a console in Rust. Revolutionary stuff, truly.

The ultimate renewable resource isn't solar or wind—it's the endless energy of C++ developers triggering Rust evangelists. Just say "I really like C++" through a solar-powered loudspeaker, and watch an army of Rust zealots charge uphill to lecture you about memory safety. They'll inevitably fall through your trapdoor, spin your turbine on their way down, and get neatly deposited at the bottom—ready to climb again when you repeat your "controversial" statement. Forget nuclear fusion; we've harnessed something far more reliable: programmer tribalism.

Functional programmers learning imperative languages: "Wait, I can just... print things? Without wrapping everything in an IO monad? This is amazing!" Imperative programmers learning functional languages: "So you're telling me I need to understand category theory just to debug with console.log? I studied computer science, not mathematics from the 1940s." The beautiful irony here is that the functional dev discovers the joy of side effects and mutable state like a kid in a candy store, while the imperative dev realizes that their trusty println() requires understanding functors, applicatives, and monadic composition. One person's "finally, simplicity!" is another person's existential crisis. Pro tip: If someone starts explaining monads using burrito analogies, just nod and go back to your print statements. You'll be fine.

Rust developers get to import dependencies with names that sound like ancient Greek warriors: axum, leptos, tokio, dioxus. Meanwhile React Native devs are stuck typing @react-native-camera-roll/camera-roll like they're navigating a corporate directory structure designed by a committee that hates joy. The scoped packages with their forward slashes and redundant naming conventions read like someone's having an identity crisis. "Yes, I'm react-native-firebase, but also I live in the @react-native-firebase namespace, and my actual name is /app, nice to meet you." Every import statement becomes a novel. Rust said "one word" and moved on with their life.

Oh. My. GOD! It's the unholy matrimony of Rust and C++ - the programming equivalent of putting a seatbelt on a motorcycle! This adorable blue crab with X's for claws is what happens when Rust's memory safety obsession meets C++'s chaotic freedom. It's like watching your super responsible friend marry their wild party animal ex - DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN! The poor thing probably can't even compile without having an existential crisis. "Am I safe? Am I fast? WHO AM I ANYMORE?!"