AI Can Almost Do A "FIXME"... We're Cooked

The ultimate developer crossroads: take the left path and risk your entire codebase exploding from ancient vulnerabilities in packages you haven't touched since 2019, or take the right path and watch your build fail spectacularly because some genius decided to push breaking changes in a minor version update. The left side gives you React2Shell vibes—probably running on dependencies so old they remember when jQuery was cool. The right side? Shai-Hulud, the giant sandworm from Dune, representing the chaos that emerges when you run npm update and suddenly 47 things break in production. Both paths lead to pain. Pick your poison: security nightmares or spending your Friday evening debugging why your app suddenly can't find module 'left-pad'.

When you're so good at stopping DDoS attacks that you accidentally DDoS yourself. Cloudflare, the company that shields websites from attacks, managed to take down their own API with a simple React useEffect hook mistake. It's like a firefighter setting their own station on fire while demonstrating how not to start fires. The irony is just *chef's kiss* - a dashboard loop causing an API outage. Somewhere, a junior dev is updating their resume while a senior dev is explaining to management that "it worked on my machine."

THE ABSOLUTE CHAOS of JavaScript frameworks! First you're learning Next.js and feeling all smart, then someone mentions Nest.js and your brain short-circuits. "Wait, did I hear that wrong?" NOPE! They're COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! And just when you've sorted those two out—BOOM—Nuxt.js crashes the party! By the fourth panel, your soul has left your body and you're questioning every life decision that led you to web development. The JavaScript ecosystem is basically a cruel practical joke where they just add and remove letters to frameworks to watch developers slowly lose their sanity! 🙃

Ah, the four-step career assassination tutorial! Nothing sends a frontend developer into existential crisis faster than watching someone test their "responsive" design by actually... *checks notes*... using different devices. The psychological warfare begins with showing off multiple devices, continues with the developer watching in horror as their beautiful creation morphs into an eldritch abomination across screens, and culminates with the coup de grâce: printing the monstrosity to immortalize their shame. Somewhere, a CSS media query is crying. Somewhere else, a Bootstrap developer is pouring another drink.

Behold, the modern tech tragedy in three acts: Act I: "I'll let GPT-5 refactor our entire codebase!" Act II: *50+ files changed, 10k+ lines updated, beautiful modular code with best practices* Act III: "None of it works." The perfect illustration of AI's current relationship with coding: makes everything look incredible while secretly plotting your application's demise. That beautiful, clean code is like a gorgeous sports car with no engine—pretty to look at but utterly useless for actually getting anywhere. The punchline "But boy it was beautiful to watch" is the developer equivalent of "The surgery was successful, but the patient died." At least we'll have nicely formatted code to stare at while the production server burns!

When the product manager proudly announces support for 86-inch displays while the frontend devs are sweating bullets trying to figure out how to make that responsive layout not explode. Nothing quite captures the silent horror of realizing your carefully crafted CSS is about to be stretched across a display the size of a small country. The PM's excitement is directly proportional to the developer's existential dread. Meanwhile, somewhere in the codebase: max-width: 1200px; /* nobody will ever need more than this */