When Your Dad Was Hardcore Before It Was Cool

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Content Extreme A Arrays start at 0 e.g: C Statically typed e.g: Rust snakecase variable names e.g: C Current object is self e.g: Rust One number type e.g: TypeScript Garbage-collected e.g: C Objects passed by value e.g: C Tiny standard library e.g: C Extreme B Compromise Arrays start at 1 e.g: Lua Dynamically typed eg: Python camelCase variable names e.g:java Current object is this e.g: C Separate integer and float types e.g: C Manual resource management e.g: C Objects passed by reference e.g: Python Giant standard library e.g: Python Arrays start at 0.5 Changing a variable's type requires calling .changeType () stretchyCamelCase Current obiect is seis "Separate" integer and float types (by name) but they behave the exact same Manually mark resources to be garbage collected Odd arguments by value, even arguments by reference Giant standard library, but it's full of niche stuff and has none of the commonly used stuff

Sure, your 1000 lines of C++ run 100x faster than my 10 lines of Python. But while you were writing those thousand lines, I finished the project, had lunch, refactored twice, and still had time to scroll through Reddit. That torch of performance might look impressive, but the real caveman move is spending three weeks micro-optimizing what could've been done in an afternoon. Speed isn't just about execution time—it's about developer time too.

The race starts with programming languages competing like normal sea creatures. C is the speedy crab, Python's the squid, Java's the slow squid, and JavaScript's the spiky pufferfish just trying to keep up. But halfway through, everything goes to hell. The race transforms into runtime errors that completely derail your code. Segmentation Fault takes the lead (classic C behavior), followed by Python's IndentationError (forgot a space, did we?), Java's NullPointerException (as reliable as death and taxes), and JavaScript's "NPM install..." which is still running since you started the race. And that, friends, is why we call them race conditions. Your code runs fine until it suddenly doesn't, and the winner is always the error you least expected.

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