The Programmer's Public Nightmare

Content Seth Rosen sethrosen Them: Can you just quickly pull this data for me? Me: Sure, let me just. SELECT FROM someidealcleanandpristine.table thatyouthinkexists 1:42 PM 20 Apr 20 Twitter Web App 3,161 Retweets 20.5K Likes

Your program stands there all confident and ripped, ready to do whatever cursed pointer arithmetic you threw at it. Then the compiler shows up with a towel to cover up all those buffer overflows, dangling pointers, and use-after-free vulnerabilities you casually left lying around. Classic C/C++ energy—writing code that compiles is one thing, but writing code that doesn't summon undefined behavior demons is apparently optional.

Ah, the classic "spend 2 minutes and 2 seconds to count to 10" problem. ChatGPT just turned basic geometry into a research dissertation. That's the same energy as developers who write 200 lines of documentation for a function that returns true or false. The best part? It's clearly a heptagon (7 sides), but ChatGPT's counting each "distinct corner" like it's being paid by the vertex. Next up: AI spending 4 minutes explaining why 2+2=5 with "reasoned thinking."

Content

Someone challenged programmers to prove their skills by fixing all bugs. Richard's solution? An infinite loop that immediately exits with success code 0. Technically, if your program terminates instantly, there's no time for bugs to manifest. Zero runtime equals zero bugs. It's the software equivalent of "can't get hurt if you never leave the house." The code literally does nothing forever while simultaneously doing nothing at all—a quantum state of uselessness wrapped in syntactically correct logic. Ship it to production, no QA needed.

Content