I Miss My Programming Babies

Content Graeme Coleman V graemecoleman Hello, my name is Graeme, I have a PhD in computing, and I am a senior accessibility consultant, but when I want to type "" on a Windows laptop I go to Beyonc's Wikipedia page and copypaste the letter from there.

Content OH BOY! I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK RPROGRAMMERHUMOR TODAY! EVERY PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE YOU KNOW AND LOvE SUCKS! 428.1k0 JONTHEROSS

The corporate ladder climb speedrun any%. Dude took a perfectly functional Java service that ran flawlessly for 5 years and nuked it with an unnecessary microservices rewrite in Go—just to pad the resume with "scope" and "complexity" for that sweet L5 to L6 promotion at Amazon. The result? A system that's slower, costs 2x more, and has memory leaks that wake people up at 2 AM. But hey, the 20-page design doc was strategic enough to fool management. The real galaxy brain move though? Getting promoted, then immediately transferring to a "chill Core Infra team" before the whole thing implodes. Now some poor new grad inherits a ticking time bomb for $550k TC while our protagonist is sipping coffee, off-call, watching the chaos unfold from a safe distance. Truly a masterclass in corporate self-preservation and passing the buck. Fun fact: This is basically the tech industry version of "I'm not stuck in here with you, you're stuck in here with me"—except the villain escapes before the final act.

Content ME WAITING FOR MY CODE , TO COMPILE DURING HOME OFFICE

Content 5 WANT ECLICI MAKE THIS SMALL CHANGE CLICKE CLACK? BEFORE AUG 10 ALL DONE DESMAN Fr aLL DONE

So you get root access to the universe and your first instinct is to run sudo rm -rf on everything? Classic developer energy right there. The progression is beautiful: start with ocean plastic (wholesome!), escalate to curing cancer (noble!), delete all human STDs (getting ambitious!), and then... disable magic? Someone's been playing too much with production configs without a backup strategy. What's hilarious is that given unlimited power over reality's codebase, we'd all just treat it like a Linux terminal and start nuking directories. No careful planning, no testing environment, just straight to --force flags on the production universe. Hope you committed those changes to git first, because there's no Ctrl+Z for "oops I deleted cancer but also accidentally removed cell division."