Gremline Devs Bite

The coding equivalent of being a relationship counselor with three divorces. You're out here solving everyone's merge conflicts and race conditions like some debugging superhero, but your own codebase? Total dumpster fire. Nothing like staring at a colleague's bug for 5 minutes before fixing it with a one-liner, then spending 3 hours trying to figure out why your own function returns undefined. The irony burns hotter than an overclocked CPU.

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GASP! The absolute HORROR of modern software development captured in one cursed clock! Your new code somehow magically works, but ONLY if you leave that disgusting, deprecated, should-have-been-cremated-years-ago code sitting right next to it! Remove it? CATASTROPHE! The entire system implodes! It's like that second clock face is the software equivalent of a load-bearing poster. The most terrifying part? NO ONE KNOWS WHY IT WORKS THIS WAY! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of that guy who quit last week! "It's all in the documentation," he said with a straight face while leaving us with what appears to be LITERAL HIEROGLYPHICS! 🙄 You know what's worse than no documentation? Documentation that requires a PhD in Ancient Egyptian Studies and a time machine! Like, sweetie, unless you're expecting us to hire the ghost of Indiana Jones as a consultant, maybe write something in ACTUAL ENGLISH next time? The rest of us are now stuck playing archaeological code detective, desperately trying to decipher if that bird symbol means "critical database function" or "I was bored on a Tuesday." Truly the ultimate revenge of a departed developer!

Ah yes, the anatomically accurate ChatGPT brain - a couple of smooth pink blobs with absolutely zero wrinkles. Just hover over those non-existent brain areas for more non-existent information. Turns out all those billions of parameters are stored in what appears to be a 3D render someone made during their first Blender tutorial. Neural networks? More like neural balloons.

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