The Only Purpose Internet Explorer Serves

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While humans debate philosophical perspectives on water glasses, Excel is over there screaming "FEBRUARY 1st!!!" because it thinks the 1st of February is somehow more exciting than New Year's. Classic Excel—where dates are stored as serial numbers since 1900, and February 1st is literally just the number 32. No nuance, no philosophy, just pure, unbridled enthusiasm for being exactly one month into the year. It's the spreadsheet equivalent of that coworker who celebrates their "half-birthday" with the same energy as their actual birthday.

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The entire Windows troubleshooting experience distilled into six lines of C code. Search for problems, wait exactly 60 seconds while pretending to scan your entire system, then confidently report nothing was found. The sleep timer is particularly accurate—you can practically hear the progress bar crawling across your screen while it does absolutely nothing. Microsoft's troubleshooter has been gaslighting users since Windows XP, convincing millions that their problems simply don't exist. Revolutionary problem-solving methodology: if you can't find the issue, just tell them there isn't one.

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So you got tired of Windows eating 8GB of RAM just to show you ads in the Start menu and switched to Linux. Now you're flexing that sweet 2.5GB RAM usage with Arch btw (yes, they run Arch, of course they do). The real plot twist? They've got an RTX 3080 and a Ryzen 9 5900X with 32GB of RAM. Dude could run a small datacenter but is celebrating saving 5GB like they just discovered fire. Classic Linux convert energy—spending three days configuring everything to save resources they weren't even running out of. But hey, at least neofetch looks pretty and you can finally see your anime wallpaper without Microsoft Edge randomly launching itself.