Session management Memes

Posts tagged with Session management

This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft Webdev Frontend
13 days ago 240.9K views 0 shares
This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft's "Stay signed in?" dialog is the tech equivalent of a lying ex. You click "Yes" and check "Don't show this again" hoping for a better tomorrow, but like clockwork, you're greeted with the same damn prompt next session. The checkbox might as well be a placebo button at this point. It's like Microsoft is gaslighting us into thinking we have control over our authentication experience. Spoiler alert: we don't. Your browser cookies? Cleared. Your session? Expired. Your patience? Gone. But hey, at least they asked nicely before wasting your time again tomorrow.

Imagine Explaining This To Users
Security Webdev Backend
1 month ago 201.6K views 0 shares
Imagine Explaining This To Users
Oh, you sweet summer child thinking you can just LOG OFF like a normal human being! The absolute AUDACITY of expecting a simple logout to actually... you know... LOG YOU OUT. Instead, you get trapped in some SAP Authorization and Trust Management purgatory where your session timeout is having an existential crisis and refusing to communicate with your identity provider. It's like breaking up with someone but they're still using your Netflix account for 30 minutes after you changed the password. The "solution"? Tell Karen from accounting to log in, then immediately log out, OR log out directly from the identity provider. Because nothing screams "user-friendly" like asking people to perform a ceremonial logout ritual just to avoid a security vulnerability. Why fix the timeout mismatch when you can just gaslight users into thinking this is totally normal behavior? Chef's kiss on that enterprise software experience! 💋👌

When You Find Out Why Some Users Can't Log In
Webdev Security Javascript Debugging Frontend
1 month ago 166.9K views 0 shares
When You Find Out Why Some Users Can't Log In
Oh, the sweet irony of privacy-conscious users accidentally nuking their own ability to use the internet. Someone disabled all cookies thinking they're outsmarting Big Tech, then calls support wondering why they can't stay logged in anywhere. The dev's initial reaction is pure comedic gold—"haha good joke mate"—because surely nobody would actually block ALL cookies and expect authentication to work, right? But then reality hits harder than a production bug at 5 PM on Friday. They actually did that. They really, genuinely blocked all cookies. Here's the thing: session management literally depends on cookies (or similar mechanisms) to remember who you are between requests. Without them, every page refresh is like meeting the server for the first time. It's like showing up to work every day and expecting your boss to remember you, except you're wearing a different disguise each time. Support tickets like these are why devs develop trust issues with user reports. "It's not working" suddenly becomes an archaeological expedition to discover what unholy configuration the user has conjured.

What If I Told You The Remember Me Feature Is A Lie
Webdev Security Javascript Frontend
5 months ago 333.3K views 0 shares
What If I Told You The Remember Me Feature Is A Lie
The "Remember me for 30 days" checkbox is the greatest fiction since documentation that says "it's simple." Your browser forgets you faster than a project manager forgets their promises. One day you're securely logged in, the next you're re-entering credentials you created during the Obama administration. That checkbox exists in the same fantasy realm as "quick 5-minute installation" and "zero downtime deployment."