Hardcoding Memes

Just Make It Exist First, Automate The Horror Later

8 days ago 91.6K views 0 shares

The two horsemen of software development: hardcoding endless if-statements for every possible value (top) versus generating those same if-statements with a script that alternates between True and False (bottom). That moment when you realize you can write code to write your terrible code for you. Work smarter not harder! Technical debt can now be automated at scale!

Get Motivated To Write Terrible Code

Python Programming Debugging Testing

11 days ago 192.8K views 0 shares

Top: A horrifying cascade of hardcoded if-statements checking individual values from 457 to 463, alternating between returning True and False. Bottom: The reason for this atrocity - a script that generates these if-statements by asking how many you need, then writing them to a file with alternating boolean returns. And they say automation is supposed to make our lives better. This is the programming equivalent of using a CNC machine to carve "Live, Laugh, Love" signs.

When Recursion Is Too Mainstream

Java Algorithms Programming

17 days ago 152.1K views 1 shares

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of this developer! 💀 Instead of implementing the elegant recursive Fibonacci formula, this chaotic evil genius just hardcoded ALL THE VALUES in a switch statement like some kind of mathematical barbarian! The function is literally named "fib" but there's not a single calculation happening - just a glorified lookup table masquerading as actual code. This is what happens when someone takes "work smarter not harder" to its most horrifying extreme. The face peeking at the bottom is all of us witnessing this algorithmic war crime!

Landlubber Software: The IP Address Whitelisting Saga

Security Networking Programming Debugging

21 days ago 145.8K views 0 shares

Landlubber Software: The IP Address Whitelisting Saga

Ah, the classic "let's hardcode every single IP address instead of using a regex or CIDR notation" approach. Nothing says "I learned to code from a cereal box" quite like writing 254 if statements when if (ipaddress.startsWith('1.1.1.')) { return 0; } would do the trick. This is the kind of code that makes senior devs develop eye twitches and sudden interests in early retirement.

Pirate Software Shows Off His Security Code

Security Networking Programming Debugging

1 month ago 285.5K views 2 shares

Pirate Software Shows Off His Security Code

OH. MY. GOD. Behold the PINNACLE of cybersecurity! 🏴‍☠️ This absolute GENIUS is manually checking EVERY SINGLE IP ADDRESS in the 1.1.1.x range because apparently, writing a regex or using a wildcard would be TOO MAINSTREAM. 💅 It's like watching someone bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon! What happens when hackers discover the revolutionary concept of 1.1.2.1? Will our pirate hero write another 256 if-statements? THE DRAMA! THE SUSPENSE! I can't even with this "security" code! 😭

Think Inside The Box

Programming Algorithms Python Debugging

1 month ago 78.8K views 1 shares

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of this developer! 😱 Asked to create a complex spiral algorithm and instead just hardcoded the entire output as a visual grid?! This is the programming equivalent of being asked to cook a gourmet meal and just ordering takeout, arranging it on fancy plates, and yelling "VOILÀ!" 💅 The best part? IT WORKS. The person even thanked them! This is peak chaotic energy that would make any CS professor spontaneously combust. Work smarter not harder, honey! Sometimes the box IS the solution! 👑

The Magic Number Mastermind

Programming Debugging Testing

1 month ago 137.8K views 0 shares

The galaxy brain approach to coding: why bother with a handful of dynamic variables when you can create a magnificent constellation of magic numbers? Nothing says "I trust my future self" quite like hardcoding 50 constants instead of using meaningful variables that might actually explain what your code does. The real 200 IQ move is creating a codebase so rigid that when requirements change (and they always change), you get to play the exciting game of "find and replace across 47 files." Bonus points if you name them all var1 through var50 !

The Hardcoding Grandmaster's Gambit

Python Gamedev Algorithms Programming Debugging

1 month ago 151.1K views 0 shares

The absolute AUDACITY of this developer printing an entire chess board for EACH POSSIBLE MOVE! 😱 Instead of creating a simple reusable function, this maniac is hard-coding 2.6 MILLION lines to handle every chess position! It's the programming equivalent of writing out every word in the dictionary instead of just looking it up! The poor soul who has to review this code will need therapy AND a new keyboard after smashing the current one into oblivion. Chess programming doesn't have to be your villain origin story, people!

Constant Time Solution

Python Gamedev Algorithms Programming Debugging

1 month ago 156.3K views 0 shares

When your friend asks you to "just code a simple chess game," and you realize you need to handle every possible board state individually. That's 2.6 million lines of if-else statements because who needs algorithms when you can hardcode each move? The beautiful part is that technically it's an O(1) solution! Chess engines hate this one weird trick - just write out every possible game state and skip all that fancy minimax algorithm nonsense. Bonus: your git commits will make it look like you're the most productive developer in history. "Added support for knight moves - 400,000 lines changed."

Thinking Outside The Box

Programming Algorithms Python

2 months ago 168.1K views 0 shares

The classic "write a loop vs. hardcode everything" dilemma, beautifully illustrated. Why waste time crafting an elegant algorithm with nested loops and incrementing variables when you can just... print each line manually? Sure, your CS professor would have an aneurysm, but the code works, doesn't it? This is the programming equivalent of using a hammer to kill a fly – unnecessarily direct but undeniably effective. Bonus points for the confidence it takes to submit this in an actual interview. That's not laziness – that's efficiency with a side of audacity.

The Pipeline Terrorist Has Been Identified

Devops Git Docker Programming Debugging

2 months ago 158.8K views 0 shares

The Pipeline Terrorist Has Been Identified

THE ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY OF OUR TIME! 🔥 Some developer thought it was a brilliant idea to hardcode their local desktop path into the CI/CD pipeline, and now the entire build is collapsing like my will to live on Monday mornings! Nothing says "I'm special" quite like using C:\Users\Dave\Desktop\project\ in production code. The rest of us are just sitting here, drowning in error messages, contemplating career changes while staring into the void. The betrayal! The audacity! I can literally feel my soul leaving my body with each failed build notification. And the worst part? We all know exactly who did it because WE'VE ALL DONE IT AT SOME POINT. 💀

I'm Not Mad I Just Want To Talk

Devops Git Programming Debugging Backend

2 months ago 129.6K views 0 shares

The classic "chess match with the dog" scenario we've all faced. Some junior dev just hard-coded environment variables directly into the build pipeline instead of using config files, and now your changes mysteriously vanish in production while everything passes in staging. That innocent face says it all – they have no idea they've created a deployment hellscape that'll take you three days and seven coffees to untangle. Meanwhile, they're getting praised for "making things work" while you contemplate a career in sheep farming.

Browse