Data storage Memes

Posts tagged with Data storage

Plane-ception: The SQL JSON Cargo Nightmare
Databases Microsoft Programming Backend
12 hours ago 46.2K views 0 shares
Plane-ception: The SQL JSON Cargo Nightmare
Loading a plane into a cargo jet is about as efficient as storing JSON in SQL. Sure, it technically works, but it's like wearing formal shoes to the beach—you've completely missed the point. And your company does this with XML as nvarchar strings? That's taking inefficiency to an art form. It's like photocopying a painting, faxing the copy, then taking a picture of the fax with a flip phone. Seven years of database optimization techniques thrown out the window because someone in 2005 said "just make it work for the demo."

The Great Kilobyte Conspiracy
Hardware Math Programming
10 days ago 71.9K views 0 shares
The Great Kilobyte Conspiracy
The eternal battle between marketing and reality. Hard drive manufacturers use 1MB = 1000KB to make their products seem bigger (931GB of actual storage when you buy a "1TB" drive), while the rest of the computing world knows 1MB = 1024KB. It's like ordering a dozen donuts and getting 10 because "our definition of dozen is more convenient for our profit margins." The bell curve shows most people understand the correct definition, but marketing departments and those who believe them occupy the tails of blissful ignorance.

We Are Not Lazy, We Are Privacy Focused
Security Programming Frontend Backend
21 days ago 101.1K views 0 shares
We Are Not Lazy, We Are Privacy Focused
Marketing team: "Our app is privacy-focused!" Developer who actually looked at the code: *shocked cat face* Turns out their "privacy-focused" approach is just storing everything locally with zero encryption—basically the digital equivalent of writing your passwords on a Post-it and calling it "secure" because you didn't post it on Twitter. It's not a feature, it's a shortcut that accidentally became their entire security model!

PowerPoint: The Database Of Nightmares
Databases Microsoft Programming Backend
1 month ago 92.9K views 0 shares
PowerPoint: The Database Of Nightmares
Just when you thought your tech nightmares couldn't get worse, someone decides PowerPoint is a viable database solution. For those wondering, "Turing complete" means PowerPoint can theoretically compute anything a normal computer can—which is both impressive and a horrifying justification for database abuse. Next up: using Excel as an operating system and Notepad as a load balancer. The screams you hear are from the DBA down the hall.

We Need 25 More
Programming Networking Hardware Databases
1 month ago 72.8K views 0 shares
We Need 25 More
The joke hinges on a classic data storage pun. 999 megabytes is just shy of 1 gigabyte (1000 MB), so the band hasn't "gotten a gig" yet. It's like watching a storage progress bar stuck at 99.9% - technically running, but not quite there. Storage engineers probably tell this joke at data center happy hours right before everyone silently finishes their drinks.

Inner Join
Databases Programming Backend
2 months ago 106.3K views 0 shares
Inner Join
The punchline here is a perfect double entendre. Tinder, a dating app all about making "relationships," stores its data in a "relational" database. It's a database joke that hits on two levels - technical accuracy and dating wordplay. Somewhere, a database administrator is quietly chuckling while running SELECT queries in the dark.