There's No Escape! Brew Another Cup!

OH. MY. GOD. The most SAVAGE attack on Linux developers ever created! 💀

This is basically every Linux developer's nightmare - trapped in a horror movie where the villain isn't asking you to cut off your foot, but to USE SOMETHING THAT ALREADY WORKS PERFECTLY FINE without spending 47 hours customizing it first!

The door is unlocked? THE HORROR! A perfectly good wheel that doesn't need to be rebuilt from scratch using your own custom-compiled materials?! MAKE IT STOP! How can any self-respecting Linux dev possibly walk away without rewriting the entire wheel in Rust first?!