Linux Kernel Style Guide

Content This is a motherfucking website. And it's fucking perfect. Seriously, what the fuck else do you want? You probably build websites and think your shit is special. You think your 13 megabyte parallax-ative home page is going to get you some tUCKIng AWard Da1 mer vou can glue to the too corner of vOus 40-Dound 1Oue tile and 85 Do viiis give la a Done Shit's lightweight and loads fast Fits on all vour shitty screen Looks the same in all vour shitty browsers The mothertuckers accessible to every asshole that visits your site Shits legible and gets your fucking point across it you had one instead of just 5mb pics of hipsters drinking coffee Well guess what, mothertucKer: You. Are. Over-designing. Look at this shit. It's a motherfucking website. Why the fuck do vou need to animate a fucking trend-ass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit? You spent hours on it and added 80 kilobvtes to vour fucking site. and some mothertucker jabbing at it on their 1Pad with fat sausage fingers will never see Not to mention blind people will never see that shit, they don't see any of you You never knew it, but this is your pertect website. Heres why. It's fucking lightweight This entire page weighs less than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your fucking Wordpress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of Query UI iust so vou could animate the fucking backeround color of a div? You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a shitty webfont just so vou could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginning of vour site? You piece of shit It's responsive You dumbass. You thought vou needed media queries to be responsive, but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever mothertucking screensize its viewed on. This site doesnt care it youre on an iMac or a mothertucking lamagotchi It fucking works Look at this shit. You can read ; Courses I'm Currently Teaching (1995) Ithas content on the fucking ser Fall 1995 me click some bobbing button tr ILS tags nd make CS101: How to literally use for-loops CSSS9: You will seriously get rekt by this course dont take it Last edited: Sep. 29, 2016 Contact Information Phone: (333) 425-5253 Fax: (333) 888 - 3424 Email: john(at)university(dot)edu Oitice: Generic Hall. 41) M. N. Shamalayan M. N. Shamalayan. "Combining Neural Networks With Natural Language Processing to Optimize the Hitler Problem." (ICSE-1998). M. N. Shamalayan. "Using Unguided Prim 'Trees to Solve the Matrix Mul- tincation Problem" (OSS-2000 M. N. Shamalayan. Using Large Dataset Combined with Support Vector Machine to Solve the Ice-Cream Optimization Problem. (1051-2002)

Content Generic Name EDUCATION Blue Mountain State, Undergrad September 2018 - May 2022 Graduated with a GPA of 2.33 Minored in Artificial Intelligence with C- grade President of Anime Club PROJECTS Calculator App Supports addition and subtraction and multiplication sometimes. 8000 lines of Java code Built a user friendly interface with command prompt Deployed on AWS 70 code coverage Snoop Dapp Cross platform mobile application built with Ionic Sends a notification at 4:20 am to all users Notifications managed with AWS SQS service Extracts users personal info if notification not acknowledged Stores user information in AWS S3 storage TodoBlock Todo list app constructed on the AWS managed blockchain The decentralized architecture publicly shames the user into finishing their tasks Increased productivity of users by 67 1 111111111 genericnamegmail.com https:github.comGeneric SKILLS Mastered version control with file names Worked extensively with Turing machines ACHIEVEMENTS 13 tshirts from various Hackathons and boot camps

Content Terminal: You do not have permissions to access this directory. Me: sudo su Parry this you fucking casual

The classic Linux audio struggle, immortalized in muscular arm form. Two Linux users locked in solidarity over their shared pain of dysfunctional microphones. Nothing says "I'm technically competent" like spending three hours configuring PulseAudio only to end up muted on both ends of a job interview. The irony of running an OS powerful enough to manage nuclear facilities but somehow incapable of handling a simple mic input is just *chef's kiss*.

Ah, corporate security logic at its finest! Some poor soul clicks a sketchy email attachment, and suddenly management's brilliant security strategy is "if it's free, it's a threat." Imagine telling developers to uninstall Python, Vim, and 7zip because they didn't come with an invoice. Next they'll be requiring receipts for your keyboard shortcuts. The real security threat isn't free software—it's the executive who thinks obscure paid software with three users worldwide is inherently secure because it cost exactly one corporate credit card approval. Meanwhile, the hacker who sent that email is probably using those same "insecure" free tools to plan their next attack. The irony would be delicious if it weren't so painful.

The eternal battle between old-school sysadmins and modern DevOps continues! This is basically every grizzled Unix veteran watching their company adopt Kubernetes to run a simple CRUD app that could've been handled by a single server from 2003. The meme brilliantly captures the frustration of seeing simple problems solved with absurdly complex solutions. Unix sockets? Nah, let's orchestrate 47 containers across 3 availability zones instead! Because nothing says "enterprise ready" like needing three diagrams that look like circuit boards just to deploy a hello world app. And the cherry on top? After all that complexity, the only actual requirement was "no downtime please" - which ironically would've been easier to achieve with the simpler setup. The real DevOps was inside us all along!