I Understand These Words

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Content mi.jobs Well-capitalized Seattle start-up seeks Unix developers Jeff Bezos 82294 Well-capitalized start-up seeks extremely talented CCUnix developers to help pioneer commerce on the Internet. You must have experience designing and building large and complex (yet maintainable) systems, and you should be able to do so in about one-third the time that most competent people think possible. You should have a BS, MS, or PhD in Computer Science or the equivalent. Top-notch communication skills are essential. Familiarity with web servers and HTML would be helpful but is not necessary. Expect talented, motivated, intense, and interesting co-workers. Must be willing to relocate to the Seattle area (we will help cover moving costs). Your compensation will include meaningful equity ownership. Send resume and cover letter to Jeff Bezos: mail: be..netcom.com fax: 206828-0951 US mail: Cadabra, Inc. 10704 N.E. 28th St. Bellevue, WA 98004 We are an equal opportunity employer. "It's easier to invent the future than to predict it." -- Alan Kay

Content WHY AREN'T YOU CODING? UM... so you knOw HOw REGULAR EXPRESSIONS ARE HARD TO READ? AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID, BUT-LET ME GUESS: YOU GOT THE REGULAR EXPRESSION TO ANALYSE ITSELF, AND NOW IT'S TAKEN OVER YOUR COMPUTER AND SEEMS To HAVE BECOME SELF-AWARE? SO, UH, I BUILT A TOOL TO AUTOMATICALLY ANALYSE AND EXPLAIN ANY REGULAR EXPRESSION. THE TOOL WAS ITSELF JUST ONE BIG REGULAR EXPRESSION. HOW DId YOU KNOW? HAPPENS EVERY DAMN TIME... RIGHT, WE'RE GOINg TO NEED A USB STICK, A LARGE MAGNET, AND SOME HOLY WATER. UH QUICKLY PLEASE. TIME IS A FACTOR. WHYARENTYOUCODING.COM

BEHOLD! The ancient Google homepage from 1999 - back when the internet was an innocent utopia and Google was just a "pure search engine" without all the modern baggage! 😭 Look at this prehistoric artifact claiming "no news feed, no links to sponsors, no ads, no distractions" - I am DECEASED! 💀 Fast forward to today where Google tracks your every digital breath, serves you personalized ads before you even THINK about wanting something, and knows more about your browsing habits than your therapist! This is like finding a picture of your ex before they turned into a complete nightmare. So pure. So simple. So TRAGICALLY gone forever!

Content Dad: Why are your eyes red son? Son: I smoke weed Dad: Don't lie, you're crying because you have been coding in JavaScript Codo huh

The irony of programming language names is just *chef's kiss*. Python isn't named after an actual snake but a comedy group (Monty Python). Rust isn't named after iron oxide but the fungus. Java isn't named after an island but coffee. And JavaScript? That was just marketing trying to piggyback on Java's popularity despite having about as much in common as a submarine and a sandwich. Naming things is supposedly one of the two hardest problems in computer science, and somehow we've managed to make it even more confusing. Next time someone asks me to name a new microservice, I'm calling it "FileProcessor" just to watch everyone's heads explode from the shocking clarity.