Need Java To Live

Content Ben Halpern bendhalpern Sometimes when I'm writing Javascript I want to throw up my hands and say "this is bullshit!" but I can never remember what "this" refers to

Content HOW CAN YOU BE A VEGETARIAN DUDE? MEAT TASTES AWESOME BUT ANIMALS HAVE FEELINGS TOO, JEFF YEAH, EVIL ONES THOUGH I'LL BE MAPPY ONCE YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD SHOULD SELl DRUGS TO KIDS JAVASCRIPT IS THE BEST PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE

The programming language family portrait nobody asked for but everyone needed! Papa C sits proudly with his offspring, each representing their true nature in the coding ecosystem. C# is the well-behaved child still following Dad's rules. JavaScript is the rebellious teenager with that "I'll do things MY way" hairstyle. Java looks suspiciously like the neighbor who's always borrowing sugar. PHP is that kid who somehow functions despite all odds. Objective C is just trying to stay relevant in the corner. And Lisp? Lisp is the cat because nobody understands what it's saying but it's somehow essential to the household. The family that compiles together, stays together... except JavaScript, who's definitely moving out to become a rockstar.

The classic "let me solve this with threads" syndrome that haunts our industry. It's like watching someone try to untangle Christmas lights by adding more Christmas lights to the mix. Multithreading: the only programming solution that multiplies your problems with mathematical precision. One problem becomes two, then four, then eight—exponential regret growth! The worst part? That smug "I know!" moment before everything falls apart. It's the computational equivalent of saying "hold my beer" right before attempting a backflip off a roof.

Content Evil Elon Musk MrEvilMusk The way scientists are editing DNA, is equivalent to finding random code on Stack Overflow, tossing it in, and hoping it works 11:58 AM 24 Feb 19 Twitter for Android

This meme perfectly captures that moment in data structures class when someone gives a technically correct but horrifyingly visceral explanation. Stacks follow LIFO (Last In, First Out) like vomiting—the last thing you ate comes out first. Queues follow FIFO (First In, First Out) like, well... digestive completion. The interviewer's progressively angrier face is every CS professor who wanted a nice academic explanation but got bodily functions instead. Sometimes the most memorable explanations are the ones that make you want to bleach your brain afterward.