Unrealistic Expectations

NASA, the literal ROCKET SCIENTISTS who put humans on the moon, fixed a multi-billion dollar space telescope with the EXACT SAME TECHNIQUE I use when my Wi-Fi stops working! 💀 The pinnacle of human engineering and astronomical achievement, the Hubble telescope, gets the same treatment as my $20 router from Best Buy. I'm SCREAMING! All those PhDs and fancy degrees, and their ultimate solution was "have you tried turning it off and on again?" The universal IT support mantra transcends even the vacuum of space!

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this pun! Someone actually glued a RAM stick to a literal leek vegetable and called it a "memory leek." I'm DECEASED! 💀 This is what happens when programmers go grocery shopping after debugging for 48 hours straight. Next thing you know they'll be putting thermal paste on their sandwiches and wondering why their CPU is still overheating. The Windows laptop in the background is just silently judging all of our life choices right now.

The infamous "Frog of Sophistication" announces his hardware acquisition with the formality of a Victorian gentleman sending a telegram about inheriting a country estate. Every programmer knows that building a gaming PC is the ultimate side quest—because how else are you supposed to run those 17 Chrome tabs, 3 IDEs, Docker containers, and still have enough processing power left to play Elden Ring during compile time? The perfect machine to both debug your code and destroy your enemies in glorious 144Hz.

FINALLY! The TRUE reason dual-core processors were invented! One core for your monstrosity of a codebase that takes EONS to compile, and another core dedicated solely to watching YouTube tutorials on how to fix the disaster you've created! It's not procrastination—it's parallel processing at its finest! Your CPU isn't burning up; it's having an existential crisis trying to process both your spaghetti code AND that "10 Hour Lofi Beats to Debug To" stream simultaneously. Multi-tasking? More like multi-masking your productivity issues!

Hollywood would have you believe hackers are all chiseled jawlines in sleek environments, dramatically typing "ACCESS GRANTED" while staring intensely at someone. Meanwhile, actual hackers are just sleep-deprived cave dwellers surrounded by the archaeological layers of tech hoarding, surviving on energy drinks and pure spite, with enough ethernet cables to circle the equator twice. The only thing they're hacking is a path through their hardware graveyard to find that one specific adapter they swear they kept "just in case."

Ah, the classic gaming paradox! You've got hardware that could probably launch a spacecraft to Mars: 128-core CPU, RTX 4090 with 24GB VRAM, 256GB of RAM, and an 8TB NVME SSD that could store the entire Library of Congress. And what does Unreal Engine 5 do with all this computational might? Struggle to hit 25 FPS in a menu screen . It's like buying a Formula 1 car and using it exclusively to pick up groceries at 5mph. Those fancy ray-tracing acronyms (DLSS/FSR/XeSS) are just there to make you feel better about your $5000 investment that's being brought to its knees by some shiny buttons and particle effects. Remember when games used to run at 60 FPS on a potato? Pepperidge Farm remembers.