Turns Out VGA Screws Are Actually Useful

Remember when buying a GPU was just an expense and not a second mortgage? In 2009, dropping $500 on a graphics card felt like a splurge. Fast forward to 2025, and you're staring at a $4,799 price tag with the same horrified expression as someone who just found out their entire codebase has no comments. Thanks crypto miners, AI enthusiasts, and whatever unholy alliance of market forces conspired to make rendering pixels cost more than my first car. At this rate, we'll soon be trading organs for ray tracing capabilities.

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of modern gaming! 😱 First she's all "8GB VRAM is not enough" and he's nodding along like the supportive boyfriend he thinks he is. Then she demands he say it back to prove his loyalty to the cause! And what does this TRAITOR do? Introduces the RTX 5060 with—wait for it—THE EXACT SAME 8GB VRAM! The BETRAYAL! The AUDACITY! It's like showing up to a water fight with a squirt gun when everyone else brought super soakers. NVIDIA out here gaslighting gamers into thinking 8GB is still acceptable in 2023 while modern games are crying in the corner begging for more memory. The relationship is DOOMED.

Ah, the ancient IT support psychological warfare technique! Instead of embarrassing users with the classic "is it plugged in?" question (which it never is), this genius IT veteran gives them a dignified escape route. "Unplug the cable, blow on it dramatically like it's a Nintendo cartridge from 1992, and plug it back in." Pure brilliance! The user gets to pretend they're performing critical maintenance rather than admitting they never plugged the damn thing in to begin with. It's the tech support equivalent of letting someone "find" their glasses on top of their own head. Kindness through deception - the cornerstone of all healthy IT-user relationships!

The RGB gaming peripheral struggle is real. After kicking out all the flashy rainbow keyboards, chairs, and monitors, Mr. Krabs keeps just the plain black mouse. Because when your setup looks like a unicorn threw up on it, sometimes all you want is that one piece of hardware that doesn't blind you at 2AM while you're debugging production code. The mouse – the only adult in the room of gaming peripherals.

Behold, the revolutionary new device for developers who miss the command line days. It's not a laptop without a screen—it's a feature. Now you can code without the distraction of actually seeing what you're doing. Perfect for those who claim they can program blindfolded or have their terminal color scheme set to black text on black background. Bonus: battery life measured in weeks instead of hours.

The bravado of developers who claim they "fear no API" only to cower in terror at the sight of Vulkan is just *chef's kiss*. For the uninitiated, Vulkan is the low-level graphics API that makes even seasoned graphics programmers wake up in cold sweats. It's like saying "I'm great at assembling IKEA furniture" and then being handed the blueprints to build the actual IKEA store from scratch. The documentation alone is thicker than a computer science textbook, and the error messages might as well be written in ancient Sumerian. Meanwhile, OpenGL (referenced in the title) is like the friendly neighborhood graphics API that suddenly looks like a cuddly kitten in comparison.