Turns Out VGA Screws Are Actually Useful

Nothing says "I am a god among mortals" quite like watching your colleague's code take 5 minutes to compile while yours finishes in 30 seconds. The hierarchy of power isn't determined by your job title or salary—it's measured in how many Chrome tabs you can have open without your computer begging for mercy. That smug feeling when someone complains about lag and you just nod sympathetically while silently flexing your 12-core processor is the true currency of the developer world.

The AUDACITY of people when they discover you work in tech! 💻 One second you're having a nice conversation, the next they're asking you to resurrect their ancient printer from the digital graveyard. Like, honey, I write code that makes websites pretty - I don't perform NECROMANCY on your possessed HP LaserJet from 2003! The way that doctor YEETED that clipboard is exactly how I feel when someone says "but you're good with computers" after I explain I can't fix their hardware. The emotional DAMAGE is real!

Ah, the classic GPU upgrade hubris. First panel: "I'm a genius!" because installing a GPU sounds trivial on paper. Second panel: soul-crushing reality when you realize your fancy new RTX 4090 is basically the size of a small microwave and your case was clearly designed in an era when graphics cards were reasonably proportioned. Nothing quite matches that specific flavor of disappointment when you've already dropped $1200+ on hardware that now requires another $150 case purchase. The circle of PC building life continues.

Electron apps: where your simple to-do list needs 800MB of RAM because why optimize when you can just ship an entire Chromium browser with it? The developer confidently explains their revolutionary idea while someone from a timeline where RAM actually costs money arrives to stop this madness. But modern devs don't care—memory is cheap and abundant, so let's just bundle V8, Node.js, and the kitchen sink for that calculator app. Meanwhile, embedded systems engineers are weeping in a corner with their 64KB constraints.

Remember when you didn't need a PhD in dongle management to listen to music on your phone? Wolverine's gazing longingly at a photo of the now-endangered 3.5mm headphone jack like it's a long-lost love. Today's tech companies: "We removed this ancient technology to make room for... courage. And $29.99 adapters." The real superpower isn't adamantium claws—it's being able to charge your phone and listen to music simultaneously without carrying three different cables and a portable USB hub.

Have you tried turning it off and on again? That glass panel is clearly running Windows and experiencing unprecedented stability. The fact it didn't shatter on impact means you've discovered the rarest bug of all - reliable Microsoft hardware . Try installing updates or running npm install - that'll break anything. If all else fails, just tell it you're migrating to Linux and watch it self-destruct out of spite.