I'm Just Trying To Play Minecraft

When someone's amazed by your technical wizardry but all you did was spend 15 years of your life staring at a keyboard with a trackpoint nub. Those little red nipples between the G and H keys have taught me more than any CS degree ever could. The silent badge of honor for those who've typed their fingers to the bone in the trenches of ThinkPad warfare.

First, you're happy with 240 FPS. Then suddenly, it's not enough. The refresh rate addiction is real, folks. Once you've tasted that buttery smooth gameplay, there's no going back to the stuttery peasantry of lower framerates. Your bank account weeps silently as you justify "just one more" hardware upgrade for those precious extra frames that nobody else can even see. But you can see them... you swear you can.

Why pay someone $200/hour to listen to your problems when you can spend $2000 on old server hardware to create your own EMOTIONAL DAMAGE?! 💀 The absolute DEDICATION of stacking five Dell servers in your basement just to run container orchestration that could probably run on a Raspberry Pi! But nooooo, we need the FULL ENTERPRISE EXPERIENCE at home because clearly our relationships weren't complicated enough already! The electricity bill alone would fund a year of therapy, but who needs mental health when you have high availability and auto-scaling for your personal blog that gets three visitors a month?!

So apparently the medical equivalent of "have you tried turning it off and on again?" is just straight-up murder and resurrection. The surgeon here is treating a human body like it's a crashed production server at 2 PM on a Friday. Just kill all processes, reboot, and hope nothing's corrupted. No logs, no diagnostics, just the nuclear option. To be fair, this troubleshooting methodology has a 100% success rate in IT. The patient might not remember their passwords afterward, but that's a separate ticket.

Someone's waging war against the entire IT industry standards with this unholy abomination. The color-coding on cables and ports? Just a conspiracy by Big Cable to sell more wires! That yellow cable jammed into what's clearly not its matching port is the digital equivalent of putting pineapple on pizza. The blue tape-wrapped wires crammed into random pins would make any network engineer develop an eye twitch. Next up: "Firewalls are just a myth created by antivirus companies" and "Have you tried connecting your HDMI to the toilet? Works fine for me!"

Nothing says "tech evolution" quite like Valve contradicting themselves after nearly a decade. In 2017, Gabe Newell confidently declared wireless VR a "solved problem" while showcasing their wired headset. Fast forward to 2025, and suddenly they're like "Fine, we'll just build the wireless adapter ourselves" with that signature Valve time™ energy. The irony is delicious. Eight years to go from "it's solved" to "we're solving it now" is peak Valve – the same company that can't count to 3 for Half-Life but can take their sweet time reinventing what was supposedly already fixed.