I Get More Expensive Phones And Laptops Than My Siblings Because I "Program"

Ah yes, the prehistoric era of computing. Before 1956, programmers were just cavemen banging on two keys: 0 and 1. Need to compile your code? Just smash ENTER. Need a variable? That's what SPACE is for. Who needs fancy high-level languages when you can communicate directly with the machine using only existential dread and finger calluses? The most efficient debugging technique was just repeatedly hitting your head on the keyboard until something worked.

Ah yes, the classic "I bought hardware at literally the worst possible time" experience. Crucial (the RAM manufacturer) getting absolutely obliterated while the guy who bought RAM in September 2025 watches in horror. Because nothing says "excellent timing" like purchasing components right before they either drop in price by 60%, get discontinued, or the entire market implodes. The real kicker? You know this person was probably thinking "finally, RAM prices are reasonable" before clicking that buy button. Spoiler alert: they weren't. They never are when you need them.

While everyone's drooling over NVIDIA's latest 5090 GPU that costs more than your car, some of us are still rocking ancient GeForce FX cards from the Jurassic period of computing. Nothing says "I'm financially responsible" like gaming on hardware old enough to vote. The transparent cooler is a nice touch though—lets you watch dust particles perform their little ballet in real-time while you struggle to run Notepad.

That moment when you realize cable management is just another form of procrastination. Sure, I could untangle that nightmare of wires, but I'd rather debug that production issue or literally anything else. The cables have achieved sentience at this point and I've decided to respect their life choices. Besides, if someone asks why it looks like a digital squid exploded behind your PC, just call it "organic routing architecture" and pretend it was intentional.

The tech community's version of natural selection: watching newbies confidently throw around terms like "bricked" without realizing they're essentially announcing "I permanently destroyed my device" rather than "it's temporarily not working." Nothing quite like the silent judgment of seasoned engineers watching someone declare they've "bricked" their laptop because the battery died.

Ah, the PC gaming resolution hierarchy in its natural habitat. Your 1080p/2K setup? Just treading water. 4K? Drowning but still visible. But those fancy 8K, 16K, and sub-1080p resolutions? Straight to the bottom of the ocean, sitting on a chair like they've accepted their fate. Your $3000 graphics card rendering games at resolutions your human eyeballs can't even appreciate is the definition of overkill. Meanwhile, the guy still gaming at 720p is probably the one actually enjoying the game instead of tweaking settings for three hours.