Financial Priorities Of The PC Master Race

The networking equivalent of "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas." Instead of adopting IPv6 with its 340 undecillion addresses, let's just cram 200 million people behind one IPv4 address and call it "Continental Grade NAT." That rat's nest of cables is probably the debugging interface. $10M per year to maintain this monstrosity when we could just... use IPv6. But sure, let's keep the IPv4 zombie shuffling along until 2030. Network engineers everywhere just died a little inside.

The ancient laptop with a new SSD is like an elderly superhero who suddenly remembers they have powers. Sure, Chrome still takes 5 minutes to load instead of 15, but that's a 66% improvement! Your decrepit machine is now slightly less embarrassing at coffee shops, where people mistake your boot-up sequence for performance art. It's the computing equivalent of putting racing stripes on your grandpa's mobility scooter—technically faster, still fundamentally slow.

The ancient GPU giving a thumbs up like "I'm not dead yet, suckers!" Nothing says tech necromancy like slathering fresh thermal paste on a graphics card old enough to vote. That GPU has survived four U.S. presidencies and still runs Garry's Mod without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, it's googling "lossless scaling" like an elderly person discovering TikTok for the first time. "What's this newfangled technology? Back in my day, we rendered at native resolution and LIKED IT!"

Spent three months researching parts, another month waiting for GPU prices to drop, two weeks building and troubleshooting, and now you just... stare at it. The RGB looks nice I guess? Turns out the real dream was the obsessive parts comparison spreadsheets we made along the way. That moment when you realize you spent $3000 to do exactly what you were doing before: scrolling Reddit and occasionally opening VS Code to stare at that side project you'll "definitely finish someday."

That special moment when you find the perfect GPU for your build, only to discover it costs more than your car payment, rent, and firstborn child combined. The crypto miners and scalpers have turned hardware shopping into a financial horror movie. Just smile through the pain as you contemplate selling a kidney on the black market for that sweet, sweet RTX performance.

The holy grail of developer respect isn't your GitHub stars or Stack Overflow reputation—it's having the decency to use silent mechanical keyboards in an open office. Nothing says "I hate my coworkers" quite like hammering away on Cherry MX Blues while everyone tries to concentrate. Sure, you paid $300 for that custom keyboard with RGB lighting and anime keycaps, but the true flex is typing at 120 WPM without sounding like you're operating a jackhammer. The considerate keyboard user: the unsung hero of developer culture.