Farewells Are Always Sad

The cruel irony of tech life: childhood's potato PC gave us endless hours to tinker, while adulthood's liquid-cooled beast collects dust because deadlines don't respect your Steam library. That $3000 rig's primary function? Running Slack and VS Code while you daydream about the gaming session that'll never happen. The universe maintains balance by ensuring you can either afford good hardware or have time to use it—never both.

The AUDACITY of modern game devs! Back in the golden era, we had absolute LEGENDS writing entire rendering pipelines IN ASSEMBLY like some kind of coding demigods! Meanwhile, today's devs are just throwing 999 dynamic lights and a MILLION blades of grass into their games, then having the NERVE to wonder why their masterpiece runs at a pathetic 20FPS on a $1500 graphics card! But don't worry, sweetie! DLSS will magically fix your horrifically optimized code! Because who needs actual optimization when you can just let AI upscale your disaster?! The optimization apocalypse is upon us!

Spent $300 on 32GB of RAM just to run a PlayStation 2 emulator that originally worked on a console with 32MB. That's the tech equivalent of buying a Ferrari to drive to the mailbox. But hey, at least Chrome can finally handle more than three tabs without having an existential crisis.

Looking down from my throne of 128GB RAM while Chrome tabs multiply like rabbits. The rest of you close browsers before gaming? How quaint. I'm simultaneously running three IDEs, a Kubernetes cluster, and training an AI model just to keep my CPU fan from getting bored.

Finally, a mouse that won't overheat during those 8-hour debugging sessions! Noctua, the company famous for making PC cooling fans that look like they belong in a 1970s kitchen, has created the ultimate developer peripheral—a mouse with its own cooling system. Because nothing says "I'm serious about my code" like a peripheral that has more ventilation than my apartment. Next up: a water-cooled keyboard for when you're typing too furiously during code reviews.

OH MY GOD! The AUDACITY of delivering a $2000 graphics card on a BICYCLE! 😱 The GeForce RTX 4090 - the crown jewel of gaming hardware - being transported like it's a $5 sandwich! The sheer DRAMA of this delivery method! That GPU could render entire UNIVERSES while the bicycle can barely render the next street corner without wobbling! Somewhere, a gamer is refreshing their tracking info while their precious pixel-pushing powerhouse is balanced precariously between handlebars and certain doom. The ultimate juxtaposition of cutting-edge technology and ancient transportation! I'm absolutely DECEASED! 💀