Who Is This Hamster Cosplaying As?

Ah, the eternal MM/DD/YYYY vs. DD/MM/YYYY war continues! Some poor developer at Go actually documented their timestamp format with a confession that using the American date format was "a regrettable historic error." This is what happens when you let Americans design date formats—they put the month first like savages, and then the rest of the world has to suffer for eternity. Every international developer's nightmare is hardcoded into Go's RFC3339 constant, forever enshrined in programming history. The date format rebellion is real, and this developer's passive-aggressive documentation is the silent scream of everyone who's ever had to parse dates across different locales. ISO 8601 (YYYY-MM-DD) gang rise up!

When your coworker pronounces "main.go" as "mango" and you can't unhear it for the rest of your career. The worst part? You'll start doing it too. Next thing you know, your entire team is discussing "his mango" in meetings while management wonders if you've pivoted to fruit distribution.

Ah yes, the classic "$800,000 bootcamp" that promises to transform you into a software engineer in just 3 months by teaching you *checks notes* approximately 87 programming languages, including some that barely exist anymore. Nothing says "legitimate education" like cramming Fortran, COBOL, and Assembly alongside React and TypeScript into 90 days. The "if you can't find a job you can spit on our faces" guarantee is the cherry on top of this scam sundae. Spoiler alert: The only thing you'll master in 3 months is how to lose $800K faster than a startup with free snacks and ping pong tables.

Looks like the compiler is playing favorites with our emojis! 💔 The sword emoji ⚔️ gets to slice through code as an operator, but the heart emoji 💗 is friendzoned as an "identifier." Even in programming languages, love gets complicated! Guess we can fight in code but can't make love work... typical programmer problems! Next time I'll try to overload 🍕 and see if the compiler is hungry enough to accept it!

The ancient one sits upon the throne, watching over the mortals who dare not speak its name directly. Assembly language—the primordial tongue from which all programming languages descended. C and C++ stand as the closest disciples, worthy enough to be at the ruler's side. Meanwhile, the younger languages—JavaScript, Python, Rust, Go, Swift, Zig, C#, and Java—kneel in supplication, knowing they're just fancy abstractions built atop the eldritch knowledge they fear to touch. Nothing humbles a React developer faster than having to debug a memory allocation issue at the Assembly level. Suddenly all those npm packages don't seem so impressive anymore.

When you want to try that shiny new framework but management says "we already have frameworks at home." The orange crabs are Rust - elegant, memory-safe, and actually useful. The bug-eyed gophers at home? That's the legacy codebase written in whatever language the previous dev thought was cool in 2011. Every developer knows this pain. You're eyeing those sweet new technologies while maintaining five different versions of the same app because "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" is tattooed on your CTO's forehead.