Time Travelers' Guide To Version Control

This developer just casually created an "app skeleton" with 3,163 files changed and +637,124 lines of code in a SINGLE commit. That's not a skeleton—that's an entire digital cemetery! When most of us create a "skeleton app," we mean a few files and basic structure. This person apparently thinks "skeleton" means "fully formed creature with organs, skin, and probably its own consciousness." The PR is even marked "Ready to merge" with no reviews requested. Bold strategy—let's see if anyone survives the code review!

When your coworker casually drops a commit labeled "Small Fixes" that changes 12,566 lines and deletes 10,508 lines. The shock and horror! That's not a small fix—that's reconstructive surgery on the codebase! Future you will be digging through git blame wondering what nuclear explosion happened that day. And good luck with the code review... "LGTM" is about to become "Let God Take Me."

Watching someone print out code for review is like witnessing a crime against modern development practices. In 2023? SERIOUSLY? That's 30+ pages of perfectly good trees sacrificed to the debugging gods when we have perfectly good monitors, version control, and code review tools. The confused Tom face perfectly captures that moment of "Did I just time travel back to 1995?" Nothing says "I don't trust Git" like killing forests to manually track changes with a red pen. Bonus horror: imagine them printing JavaScript with all those nested callbacks and dependencies!

When your team says "don't force push to main" but you're feeling extra swole today. This dev is literally putting his physical strength behind his Git commands - because sometimes your code changes need the backing of 250lbs of leg press force to override those pesky branch protections. The perfect fusion of gym gains and repository dominance. Your merge conflicts don't stand a chance against those quads!

Ah, the classic solo developer paradox. You're the only one touching the codebase, yet somehow Git still manages to throw merge conflicts at you like you're in some distributed team of 50. It's like arguing with yourself and still losing. Probably happened because you coded at 2 AM on your laptop, then continued at 9 AM on your desktop without pulling first. Or maybe you've got multiple personalities and they all prefer different code formatting. Either way, congratulations on making version control complicated in a one-person project. Achievement unlocked.

When a senior dev asks if you wrote code without comments, you know you're about to face a military tribunal-level interrogation. The look of utter disbelief followed by immediate sentencing is just *chef's kiss*. Submitting uncommented code to review is basically a declaration of war against your fellow developers. Future maintainers will be excavating your logic like archaeologists trying to decipher hieroglyphics without a Rosetta Stone. Remember folks, code tells the computer what to do, but comments tell other humans why you did it that way. Skip them at your peril!